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No. 14 - Song - Sam - "On the side."


Sam: When I was a Boots at the White Hart Inn,
I says to myself: "Now Sam,
In the struggle of life you are going to win
That's the kind of a boy I am.
The place isn't much and the pay is small,
So I must use my wits."
For I wouldn't have taken the job at all
If it weren't for the perquisites.
For it ain't the pay but the perquisite
That enable a chap to live.
And a traveller knows that his comfort goes
By the size of the tips he'll give.
If as Boots you engage,
Never think of the wage
For you can't live on that if you tried.
So the thing to trace in taking a place
is what you get on the side, on the side,
is what you get on the side.

Now a couple drives up to the door, we'll say,
And orders the parlor floor.
The lady looks scared and the gent looks gay
And they came in a chaise and four.
Now when couples elope,
There are pickings I hope
For a Boots who can use his wits;
If Papa's in pursuit, just leave him to Boots,
He is one of the perquisites.
For Papa drives up in a terrible state
And Boots he is at the door.
"Yes, a couple came up, sir, but wouldn't wait,
They've gone for an hour or more."
And believing they are gone
The old man drives on
To the joy of the groom and the bride.
And a couple of quid for the work you did
Is what you get on the side, on the side,
Is what you get on the side.

There is never a first class Inn
Without attractions of ev'ry kind,
And a maid that's neat in the parlor suite
You're extremely apt to find.
Now often in sport her kisses are sought,
But that she never permits.
For her chaste salutes are reserved for Boots
As one of his perquisites.
Let the trav'ling man think no girl can
Resist his might sublime.
He mustn't forget he's a stranger yet
While Boots is there all the time.
And Boots has a way with him so they say
That she couldn't resist if she tried.
And the hug or the kiss
That the trav'lers miss
Is what you get on the side, on the side,
Is what you get on the side.

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