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No. 19 - Song - Henry - "I could love you if I tried."

MIDI File

Henry: I once made Mama a promise
I would never flirt again
But I quickly had to break it,
For I found it such a strain,
When the girls flock round me
And begin to tease,
I say "Ma, what can I do with these?"
And yet, you know, I'm not hard to please!
"I think I could love you
If like Melba you could sing,
Or if like Gertie Millar you could smile;
From Hampstead to Chelsea
I'd follow Lily Elsie,
And for Ethel Levey I would walk a mile.
I feel I could kiss you
If like Pavlova you danced,
Or if like dear Gaby you could glide;
Tho' I've a flat in Balham
And I'm not like Basil Hallam,
Still, I'm sure I could love you if I tried!"

My friend Jones one day got married,
And he thought his wife a dream,
But she fed him on cold mutton
Till he felt inclined to scream,
When one night at supper-time he fairly swore,
She cried, "Don't you love me any more?"
"My dear," said he, "I've told you before:
I think I could love you
If you look'd like Phyllis Dare,
Or like Mabel Russell you could smile;
I start and grow paler
At sight of Laurette Taylor,
And for Elsie Janis I could walk a mile.
I feel I could kiss you
If you danced like Gabrielle Ray,
Or like Vesta Tilley you could stride;
I'll sing "To-Night's the Night"
If I can get off with Lee White,
And I'm sure I could love you if I tried!"

Missus Jones then got her temper up,
As women sometimes do,
And she turn'd upon her husband, saying,
"Much obliged to you."
Why on earth I married you I can't explain,
Was it love, or soft'ning of the brain?
Then to her spouse she sang this refrain— 
"I think I could love you
If you talked like Cyril Maude,
Or if like George Grossmith you could smile;
From Peckham to Mayfair
I'd follow Arthur Playfair,
And with Seymour Hicks I'd gladly walk a mile.
I feel I could kiss you
If you danced like Joseph Coyne,
Or if like Charles Hawtrey you just "lied";
If you chased me round the houses
Wearing Charlie Chaplin's "trouses,"
Then I think I could love you if I tried!"

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