THE FAIRY CURATE by W. S. Gilbert ONCE a fairy Light and airy Married with a mortal; Men, however, Never, never Pass the fairy portal. Slyly stealing, She to Ealing Made a daily journey; There she found him, Clients round him (He was an attorney). Long they tarried, Then they married. When the ceremony Once was ended, Off they wended On their moon of honey. Twelvemonth, maybe, Saw a baby (Friends performed an orgie). Much they prized him, And baptized him By the name of GEORGIE. GEORGIE grew up; Then he flew up To his fairy mother. Happy meeting Pleasant greeting-- Kissing one another. "Choose a calling Most enthralling, I sincerely urge ye." "Mother," said he (Rev'rence made he), "I would join the clergy. "Give permission In addition-- Pa will let me do it: There's a living In his giving, He'll appoint me to it. Dreams of coff'ring Easter off'ring, Tithe and rent and pew-rate, So inflame me (Do not blame me), That I'll be a curate." She, with pleasure, Said, "My treasure, 'Tis my wish precisely. Do your duty, There's a beauty; You have chosen wisely. Tell your father I would rather As a churchman rank you. You, in clover, I'll watch over." GEORGIE said, "Oh, thank you!" GEORGIE scudded, Went and studied, Made all preparations, And with credit (Though he said it) Passed examinations. (Do not quarrel With him, moral, Scrupulous digestions-- But his mother, And no other, Answered all the questions.) Time proceeded; Little needed GEORGIE admonition: He, elated, Vindicated Clergyman's position. People round him Always found him Plain and unpretending; Kindly teaching, Plainly preaching-- All his money lending. So the fairy, Wise and wary, Felt no sorrow rising-- No occasion For persuasion, Warning, or advising. He, resuming Fairy pluming (That's not English, is it?) Oft would fly up, To the sky up, Pay mamma a visit. * * * * * Time progressing, GEORGIE'S blessing Grew more Ritualistic-- Popish scandals, Tonsures--sandals-- Genuflections mystic; Gushing meetings-- Bosom-beatings-- Heavenly ecstatics-- Broidered spencers-- Copes and censers-- Rochets and dalmatics. This quandary Vexed the fairy-- Flew she down to Ealing. "GEORGIE, stop it! Pray you, drop it; Hark to my appealing: To this foolish Papal rule-ish Twaddle put an ending; This a swerve is From our Service Plain and unpretending." He, replying, Answered, sighing, Hawing, hemming, humming, "It's a pity-- They're so pritty; Yet in mode becoming, Mother tender, I'll surrender-- I'll be unaffected-- "Then his Bishop Into his shop Entered unexpected: "Who is this, sir,-- Ballet miss, sir?" Said the Bishop coldly. "'Tis my mother, And no other," GEORGIE answered boldly. "Go along, sir! You are wrong, sir, You have years in plenty; While this hussy (Gracious mussy!) Isn't two-and-twenty!" (Fairies clever Never, never Grow in visage older; And the fairy, All unwary, Leant upon his shoulder!) Bishop grieved him, Disbelieved him, GEORGE the point grew warm on; Changed religion, Like a pigeon, And became a Mormon.