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No. 21 - Song - Reginald - "How did the bird know that?"


Reginald: When I was once a naughty little nipper,
And broke the Sunday teapot, which I hid,
Then mother said, while reaching for her slipper,
"A little bird has told me what you did!"
Now if a little bird could tell my mother,
Perhaps a bird could do a bit for me;
I'll have a penn'orth now and ask another,
And what's the answer going for to be?
Polly, love! I'm thinking of getting spliced;
Will my wife turn out a comfort or a cat?
"No, you don't want any more
You've already three or four."
Now, how did the bird know that?
  I've heard about a Bill to smash the brewer,
And shut the pubs and have the barmaids barred;
They say that licensed houses should be fewer,
Because a lot of people drink so hard!
I always drink as easily as talking,
But if the Bill they're bringing in should pass,
I'll have to go in strong for rapid walking,
I've got to do six miles to get a glass!
Now, old dear! I'm rather a thirsty soul--
But a mile's enough to walk when one is fat!
"If the law should shut your pub,
Start a harmless social club,"
Why, how did the bird know that?
You may soon be in London there's no knowing,
And want to take a 'bus and have a ride,
There's just one way to find out where it's going,
You look at the advertisements outside!
The Bovril 'bus at Oxo Street will fetch up;
Take Owbridge for Lung Acre, that is plain!
And any 'bus that says Tomato Ketchup
Will land you somewhere near to Martin's Lane!
Pretty Poll, I once took a Malted Milk,
But it didn't go where I was driving at!
"Take a Carter's if you may,
Little Liver Pill Street way,"
Here, how did the bird know that?
  There's to be a Franco-British Exhibition
In the fashionable part of Shepherd's Bush;
And the palaces of plaster composition
Will be lovely if the people do not push!
So the French are coming over in their millions,
With the little Paris girls as fresh as pinks,
And we'll sit and fraternise in the pavilions
With a dictionary open at the drinks!
Polly dear, you know such a lot of words,
What's the way to start a French girl on a chat?
You can give her double ongtong,
That is French for "Well, so long!"
Comment do ze bird know zat?

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