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No. 17 - Song - Cheyne - "Algy's Simply Awf'lly Good at Algebra."


Cheyne: You must have met a friend of mine
Called Algy, that's his name.
He sups out at the Carlton all the week.
He's an awf'lly clever scholar,
And his Euclid's deuced fine,
And his Algebra is simply magnifique.
Of course he don't know much about the world
And girls and all,
But his mathematics nobody can beat.
If you want to know how much you owe,
He'll tell you like a shot.
He's a fearf'lly sort of useful chap to meet.
Oh! Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.
He's really awf'lly smart,
He knows ev'rything by heart.
He sits on Boards of Companies,
At least he don't sit long,
He goes away and hopes the wretched
Thing is going strong,
But when he meets the share-holders,
He knows at once what's wrong,
'Cos Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.

He's awf'lly quick at money things,
And if you ask for change,
He's done it all before you've time to count.
Well, he doesn't seem to have to think
But proves it all by X,
So you're certain that you've got the right amount!
And if he meets a lady,
He can tell her age at once,
He calculates just what she'd like to be,
Then he adds on sev'ral winters
Plus a summer and one spring,
Then he multiplies the blooming lot by three.
Oh! Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.
He's really awf'lly smart,
He knows ev'rything by heart.
You'll ask him out to dinner
If you'll just take my advice,
It's then his powers for seeing things
Becomes so awf'lly nice.
Where you would see the same thing once,
He'd see the same thing twice,
And just because he's awf'lly good at Algebra.

Oh! Algy's simply wonderful the way he adds up things,
At Bridge you ought to see him add his scores,
At Billiards too, the way he marks
Is perfectly unique,
He can tell how much he's going to make before.
If he tosses me for sovereigns
He always seems to win,
You see he always knows what's coming down.
He works it by equations
And the funny part is this:
He says they won't apply to half-a-crown.
For Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.
He's really awf'lly smart,
He knows ev'rything by heart.
He can tell you if the weather
Will be icy cold or hot,
And if by chance he is not right
He says the weather's not.
If you put him on to catch De Wet
He'll find him like a shot,
'Cos Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.

Algy's awf'lly plucky when there's nobody about,
I've heard him say he'd do most dreadful things,
I've often heard him say that he was
Going to hit me hard,
Just because I pull the blind down when he sings.
Well, one day he got so angry
That he lost his temper quite,
And he told a chap he'd fight him then and there,
But as the man was four-foot-two
And Algy's six-by-three,
It's obvious that the problem wasn't fair.
But Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra.
He worked the thing out pat,
He allowed for more than that.
When the chap commenced to hit him,
Algy got some fearful blows,
So he sat down just in time to save
A smack right on the nose.
He wasn't really frightened
But he thought he'd spoil his clothes,
Besides, he much preferred to work it out in Algebra.

Algy married such a jolly girl the other day,
A perfect household gem in ev'ry sense;
Well, Algy's good at figures,
But I've heard Algy say
Her figure's algebraic'lly immense.
Of course he isn't with her very often,
You may guess—
You see he's got such heaps of things to do;
And if she asks him where he's been
He tells her, more or less—
And she feels that ev'ry word he says is true.
For Algy's simply awf'lly good at Algebra,
And when he says a thing,
It's got such a truthful ring.
He gives his little trusting wife
Just fifty pounds a year,
And he spends several thousands,
And he's not a fool, no fear!
She don't know what he does with it,
But he's made the whole clear—
He's worked ev'ry single penny out in Algebra.

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