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British Musical Theatre   The Toreador

No. 5 - Quartet - Dora, Nancy, Mr. Probitt, and Porter


Dora: Oh, a journey by train
Is a terrible strain,
I object to the fuss and the flurry.
Mr. Probitt: There's the chance of mishaps
To your luggage and wraps
When you all have to change in a hurry.
Nancy: The compartments aren't wide,
And they're stuffy inside;
Your enjoyment this frequently hinders,
Porter: If you let down the sash
It's remarkably rash,
For you promptly get smothered with cinders.
All: It's oh, for a ride in the puff-puff,
Oh, for a journey by rail,
The jolting and shaking
Will set you all aching,
Your face will get dusty and pale.
Your hair will get awfully rough-puff
If you're inclined to be vain —
You will be distressed,
For you don't look your best,
When you've been for a trip in the train.
Dora: If you travel by night,
Then your slumbers are slight,
For the rest of the passengers snore, so,
Mr. Probitt: When it's cold, you may freeze
And get cramp in your knees,
While the foot-warmers leak on the floor, so.
Nancy: Then the novels and fruit
That they bring you en route,
And the milk that you just eat a bun with;
Porter: And the porters you tip
In the course of your trip,
Oh, you're glad when the whole thing is done with.
All: It's oh, for a ride in the puff-puff,
Oh, for a journey by rail,
What terrible rations
You get at the stations,
The sandwiches always are stale,
And ev'rything's frightfully tough-puff,
Passengers often complain;
You really don't feel
Quite inclined for a meal
Till you've finished your trip in the train.

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