|Gilbert > Plays > Haste
to the Wedding > Web Opera > Act III
Bunthunder. Well, sir, what's all that to me, sir? Will you go, sir?
Woodpecker. Oh, I see (raising blanket), you're taking a footbath.
Bunthunder. (furious). I won't listen to you. I'm not well. I've got a headache! Who are you?
Woodpecker. Woodpecker Tapping — married this morning: the wedding party is at your
Bunthunder. I don't know you, sir! What do you want?
Woodpecker. Your wife.
Bunthunder. (rising). My wife! Do you know my wife?
Woodpecker. Not at all, but she possesses something that I am most anxious to purchase.
Bunthunder. We don't sell it. Will you go?
Woodpecker. Not till I've seen Mrs. Bunthunder.
Bunthunder. She's not at home. (Sings.)
Woodpecker. Nonsense, I know better! I dare say she's in here — at all events, I mean to
WOODPECKER closes screen round BUNTHUNDER, concealing him from the
Bunthunder. He's a thief - he's a burglar! Wait one moment — only one moment, until I've
Enter MAGUIRE L., limping.
Maguire. My son-in-law is a most remarkable person; he invites us to his house, and when he gets there, he shuts the door in our faces! Fortunately the lock didn't catch, and here I am. Now, now I shall be able to take off these confounded tight boots which have been bothering me all day.
Bunthunder. (in screen). One moment - only one moment! (Taking his trousers, which are hanging over the top of the screen.)
Maguire. Hallo, Woodpecker! He's in there. Ha! (seeing BUNTHUNDER'S boots.)
Bunthunder. (reaching round screen for his boots, and takes MAGUIRE'S). Now for my boots — wait one moment — only one moment!
Maguire. I say, my boy, your wife's below.
Bunthunder. Oh, my wife's below, is she? Just one moment — I'm nearly ready!
Maguire. All right! I'll go downstairs and tell them all to come up.
Exit MAGUIRE. At the same moment enter BOPADDY.
Bunthunder. (in screen). My feet seem much swollen, I can scarcely get my boots on; but no matter. Now then! (Coming out of screen, sees BOPADDY, whom he mistakes for WOODPECKER, and swings him round.) Now, you scoundrel, I've got you!
Bopaddy. Don't — I don't want to dance — I'm quite tired out!
Bunthunder. It's not the same — it's another of the gang! (Noise heard within.) He's in
Bopaddy. Another wedding guest, and in regimentals, too! Dear, dear — Woodpecker is
Music, "Haste to the Wedding." Enter MAGUIRE, FOODLE, MARIA, and the
Maguire. That's right my dears — stop there, because Woodpecker hasn't quite finished
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