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No. 13: Song (Maguire with Chorus)
To MIDI File

Maguire.
  If you value a peaceable life,
    This maxim will teach you to get it:
  In all things give into your wife, —
    I didn't — I lived to regret it.
  My wife liked to govern alone,
    And she never would share with another;
  Remarkably tall and well grown,
She had plenty of muscle and bone,
With an excellent will of her own —
    And my darling takes after her mother!
      Oh, if early in life
        I had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      We should not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, my darling
        Takes after her mother!
Chorus.
      Oh, if early in life
        He had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      They would not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, his darling
        Takes after her mother!

Maguire.
  Never wake up her temper, — I did —
    And smash went a window, instanter;
  Invariably do as you're bid, —
    I didn't — bang went a decanter.
  Give in to each whim, — I declined —
    At my head went a vinegar-cruet.
  Whatever inducement you find,
Never give her advice of a kind
That is known as "a bit of your mind," —
    I did — and the crockery knew it!
      Oh, if early in life
        I had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      We should not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, my darling
        Takes after her mother!
Chorus.
      Oh, if early in life
        He had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      They would not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, his darling
        Takes after her mother!

Maguire.
  Though her aspect was modest and meek,
    She could turn on the steam in a minute:
  Her eruptions went on for a week —
    Vesuvius, my boy, wasn't in it.
  Give your wife of indulgence her fill,
    Though your meals be unpleasantly scrappy —
  Never look at her milliner's bill;
Gulp down that extravagant pill,
And you may, and probably will,
    Be bankrupt — and thoroughly happy!
      Oh, if early in life
        I had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      We should not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, my darling
        Takes after her mother!
Chorus.
      Oh, if early in life
        He had happily known
      How to humour a wife
        With a will of her own,
      They would not have been snarling
        All day at each other —
      And, remember, his darling
        Takes after her mother!

Wedding party all dance off.

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