The Princess from Original Plays, by W. S. Gilbert New York: Scribner, Armstrong, & Co. 1876 THE PRINCESS DRAMATIS PERSONAE KING HILDEBRAND PRINCE HILARION, his Son CYRIL } his friends, Noblemen of FLORIAN } King Hildebrand's Court KING GAMA PRINCE ARAC } PRINCE GURON } his Sons PRINCE SCYNTHIUS } ATHO, King Hildebrand's Chamberlain FIRST OFFICER SECOND OFFICER GOBBO, a Porter PRINCESS IDA, Daughter of King Gama, and Principal of the Ladies' University LADY PSYCHE, Professor of Experimental Science LADY BLANCHE, Professor of Abstract Philosophy MELISSA, her daughter BERTHA } ADA } CHLOE } SACHARISSA } Undergraduates SYLVIA } PHOEBE } AMARANTHE LAURA SCENE FIRST.--Court in King Hildebrand's Palace. KING HILDEBRAND, discovered seated, in gloomy mood--FLORIAN and other COURTIERS discovered looking off through telescopes--CYRIL standing by the KING. HILDE. See you no sign of Gama? FLORI. None, my liege. HILDE. It's very odd indeed! If Gama fails To put in an appearance at our court, Before the sun has set in yonder west, And fails to bring the Princess Ida here-- To whom our son Hilarion was betrothed At the extremely early age of one-- There's war between King Gama and ourself. (Aside to CYRIL) Oh Cyril, how I dread this interview! It's twenty years since he and I have met. He was a twisted monster--all awry, As though Dame Nature, angry with her work, Had crumbled it in fitful petulance! CYRIL But, sir, a twisted and ungainly trunk, Often bears goodly fruit--perhaps he was A kind, well-spoken gentleman? HILDE. Oh, no-- For, adder-like, his sting lay in his tongue! His bitter insolence still rankles here, Although a score of years have come and gone! His outer man, gnarled, knotted as it was, Seemed to his cruel and cynical within, Hyperion to a Saturday Review! CYRIL Oh, bear with him--he is an old, old man. Old men are fretful--peevish, as we know. A worm will sometimes turn--so will the milk Of human kindness, if it's kept too long. FLORI. (looking through glass). But stay, my liege; o'er yonder mountain's brow Comes a small body bearing Gama's arms; And, now I look more closely at it, sir, I see attached to it King Gama's legs; From which I gather this corollary-- That that small body must be Gama's own! HILDE. Ha! Is the Princess with him? FLORI. Well, my liege, Unless her ladyship is six feet high, And wears moustachios, too, and smokes cigars, And rides en cavalier, in coat of mail, I do not think she is. HILDE. (excited) Come, bustle there! For Gama, place the richest robes we have! For Gama, place the coarsest prison dress! For Gama, let our best spare bed be aired! For Gama, let our deepest dungeon yawn! For Gama, lay the costliest banquet out! For Gama, place cold water and dry bread! For as King Gama brings the Princess here, Or brings her not, so shall King Gama have-- Much more than every thing--much less than nothing! Enter PRINCE HILARION. HILAR. Well father, is there news for me, at last? HILDE. My son, King Gama's host is now in sight: Prepare to meet the fascinating bride To whom you were betrothed so long ago. Why, how you sigh! HILAR. My liege, I'm much afraid The Princess Ida has not come with him. HILDE. And why? HILAR. I've heard she has forsworn the world, And, with a band of women, shut herself Within a lonely country house, and there Devotes herself to stern philosophies. HILDE. Then, I should say, the loss of such a wife Is one to which a reasonable man Would easily be reconciled. HILAR. Oh no-- Or I am not a reasonable man. She is my wife: has been for twenty years. HILDE. That's true--you were a baby in long clothes When you gained Ida's heart and she gained yours. HILAR. Yes--I remember--each of us was won! I think I see her now! (looking through telescope). HILDE. Ha! Let me look! HILAR. In my mind's eye, I mean--a blushing bride-- All bib and tucker--frill and furbelow! How exquisite she looked as she was borne Recumbent in the monthly nurse's arms! How the bride wept!--nor would be comforted Until the hireling mother-for-the-nonce Administered refreshment in the vestry. And I remember feeling much annoyed That she should weep at marrying with me; "But then," I thought, "these brides are all alike! Cry on, young lady--brides are bound to cry. You cry at marrying me? How much more cause You'd have to cry if it were broken off!" These were my thoughts--I kept them to myself, For, at that age, I had not learnt to speak. HILDE. Your memory is singularly good. HILAR. Do you remember, too, the wedding feast-- Rolls steeped in milk, and other softened food, Fit for our undeveloped little gums? And talk of drink, I never shall forget, How merrily we passed that nursing bottle! A curly headed patriarch of three-- The Princess Ida's uncle--then proposed The happy couple's health--the bridesmaids, then, Fifteen in number--each six weeks of age, Began to weep--the fifteen groomsmen, too (The eldest of them eighteen months or so), Wept also--then, remembering they were men, Dashed from their eyes the unaccustomed brine! We parted then--and since, for twenty years, We have not met. It seems quite strange that she Should have become a woman in the while! She speaks a hundred languages I'm told. HILDE. Your late mamma had mastered only one, Yet she was never at a loss for words! HILAR. But think how useful is a wife who can Express her fancies in a hundred tongues. HILDE. You will find one, of average length, enough. HILAR. I've heard she hopes to make all women swear That they'll abjure, for aye, the tyrant Man! She's far before the age in which she lives! HILDE. At all events she's singular in that; Most grown up ladies of our court give out That they are several years behind their age! HILAR. A woman thus endowed should have been born A century hence, at least! HILDE. The day will come When you will most devoutly wish she had. Enter CYRIL. CYRIL My liege, King Gama's train is at the gate, And prays admission. HILDE. Cyril, show him in. Though Princess Ida wore a Gorgon's head, He shall not tamper with King Hildebrand! Flourish--Procession. Enter CYRIL, FLORIAN, and COURT, ushering KING GAMA, and one ATTENDANT. GAMA So this is Castle Hildebrand?--well, well-- Dame Rumor whispered that the place was grand; She told me that your taste was exquisite-- Superb--unparalleled-- HILDE. Oh, really, king-- GAMA But she's a liar! Why, how old you've grown! Is this Hilarion?--why you've changed, too! You were a singularly handsome child! (to CYRIL) Are you a courtier? Come, then, ply your trade! Tell me some lies: how do you like your king? Vile Rumor says he's all but imbecile-- Now that's not true! CYRIL My lord, we love our king: His wise remarks are valued by his court As precious stones. GAMA And for the self-same cause! Like precious stones the wit of Hildebrand Derives its value from its scarcity! Come now, be honest, tell the truth for once, Tell it of me! Come, come, I'll harm you not! This leg is crooked--this foot is ill-designed-- This shoulder wears a hump--come, out with it! Look, here's my face--now am I not the worst Of Nature's blunders? HILAR. Nature never errs. To those who know the workings of your mind, Your face and figure, sir, suggest a book Appropriately bound. GAMA Why, harkye, sir! How dare you bandy words with me? HILAR. No need To bandy aught that appertains to you. GAMA (to HILDEBRAND). Do you permit this, king? HILDE. We are in doubt Whether to treat you as an honored guest, Or as a traitor knave who plights his word And breaks it! GAMA If the casting vote's with me I give it for the former. HILDE. We shall see: By the terms of our contract, signed and sealed You're bound to-day to bring the Princess here To join her spouse. Why is she not with you? GAMA Why? Come, I'll tell you, if you'll answer this: What think you of a wealthy purse-proud man Who, when he calls upon a starving friend, Pulls out his gold, and flourishes his notes, And flashes diamonds in the pauper's eyes-- What name have you for such an one? HILDE. A snob! GAMA Just so: King Hildebrand, I am no snob The girl has beauty, virtue, learning, wit, Grace, humor, wisdom, charity, and pluck. Would it be kindly, think you, to parade These brilliant qualities before your eyes? Oh, no, King Hildebrand, I am no snob! HILDE. But hang it, man, the contract that we signed Some twenty years ago-- GAMA Why, here's good news! (to Court) At last your king is going to redeem His lengthy list of broken promises-- And very properly, as wise men should, Begin at the beginning! HILDE. Stop that tongue, Or you shall lose the monkey head that holds it! Oh, I'll be even with you, yet, for this. GAMA Bravo! Your king deprives me of my head, That he and I may meet on equal terms! HILDE. Of this anon--we'll try the force of arms-- Where is she now? GAMA In Castle Adamant-- One of my many country houses. There She rules a woman's University, With full five hundred girls who learn of her. CYRIL Five hundred girls! Five hundred ecstasies! GAMA But no mere girls, my good young gentleman! With all the college learning that you boast, The youngest there will prove a match for you! CYRIL With all my heart, if she's the prettiest! Fancy--five hundred matches--all alight! That's if I strike them, as I hope to do. GAMA Despair your hope--their hearts are dead to man. He who desires to gain their favor must Be qualified to strike their teeming brains, And not their hearts! They're safety-matches, sir, And they light only on the knowledge box, So you've no chance! HILAR. We'll try, at all events. I'll take no soldiers, father, in my train-- Cyril and Florian here will go with me, And we will storm them ere the week is out. GAMA That's brave! They're only women--storm away! HILAR. Oh, don't mistake us, sir, we mean to storm Their eyes and hearts, and not their citadel. With sighs we'll charge our mines and counter-mines, Dance steps shall be our scaling ladders, with Those croquˆt mallets for our battering rams. Fair flowers shall bear the only blades we wield, Our eyes shall be our very deadliest darts, And bon-bon crackers our artillery! GAMA And so you think to conquer them with sighs? My good young gentleman, a sigh, to them, Is simply an exceptionally marked Contraction of the intercostal muscles! Croquˆt is interesting only when It illustrates familiar theories Of incidental and reflecting angles. Fair flowers, to them, are mere embodiments Of calyx, pistil, stamina, and petal. Expressive eyes would have their charm, no doubt-- HILAR. Of course! GAMA But only, be it understood, As illustrating theories of vision! But here are letters--take them if you like-- Perhaps she's tired of disobedience, And may admit you. HILDE. Good: Hilarion, go, Take Florian and Cyril, as you say, King Gama, we detain you pris'ner here, As hostage for the safety of our son. GAMA A prisoner? Why, what should I do here At Castle Hildebrand? I am not mad! HILDE. You can amuse yourself by fancying That there's an execution in our house, And you're the party in possession--or That we are dead and you've succeeded us. In short, suppose whatever state of things Would offer you the greatest happiness; GAMA (to HILARION). You run a risk my friend; so take good heed, For no one knows her temper but myself: (to KING) Since her betrothal, king, until the day When she abjured all male society, I was the only man she ever saw! HILAR. Oh, that explains the mystery at once, And simplifies our task--come, Florian, And we will show these maidens what they've lost. [Exeunt HILARION, FLORIAN, and CYRIL. SCENE SECOND.--The Gates of Castle Adamant. Enter GOBBO, with ladies' robes on his arm. GOBBO More robes for undergraduates! I suppose Some students are expected here to-day. No girl without a robe may pass those gates! They are so proud of these here caps and gowns, They hardly like to take 'em off a-night! They even wear (or so I've heard it said) Night-caps and night-gowns when they go to bed! [Exit into porter's lodge. Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN. HILAR. So, here's the Princess Ida's castle? Well, They must be lovely girls if it requires Such walls as these to keep intruders off! CYRIL To keep men off is only half their charge, And that the easier half. I must suspect The object of these walls is not so much To keep men off as keep the maidens in! HILAR. Here lives the porter, Cyril. I'll be bound He's quite as learned as the rest of them, Half Newton and half Bacon! Here he comes. Enter GOBBO from lodge. CYRIL Half Bacon? No,--all Bacon I should say! GOBBO Now then, what is it? HILAR. I'm a royal prince; These gentlemen are followers of mine; We hold King Gama's letters, charging you To bear us safely to the Council Hall, In which the Princess Ida holds her state. GOBBO Ho! ho! ho! ho! HILAR. How now?--you mock at us? (Draws sword.) GOBBO Mock you? Why, bless your heart and soul alive, No man may place his foot within those walls; It's death to disobey our Princess, sir! FLORI. It's double death to disobey your king! (draws.) CYRIL It's treble death to disobey ourselves! (draws.) GOBBO But, sirs, I am the only man alive Who ever enters! FLORI. You? GOBBO Yes! Once a year I am led through their ranks that they may see What sort of thing's a man! "See here!" she cries. "See--this is what you lose in losing man! This is a courtly knight--well born, well formed!" (I'm comely, sirs; but, bless you, I'm no knight!) "Look, girls," she cries, "this is a courtly knight-- A type of all that's beautiful in man!" (aloud) And then they make me gibber, squeak, and mow; Then, with much deference and mock courtesy, They bow me to my duty at the gate! FLOR. Are there no males whatever in those walls? GOBBO None, gentlemen, excepting letter mails! And they are driven (as males often are In other large communities)--by women! If you'll believe me, gentlemen, I swear, She's so confoundedly particular, She'll scarcely suffer Dr. Watts's hymns; And all the animals she owns are "hers"! The ladies rise at cockcrow every morn-- HILAR. Oh, then they have male poultry! GOBBO Not at all. (confidentially.) The crowing's done by an accomplished hen! CYRIL And what are these? (Looking at robes in lodge.) GOBBO The academic robes, Worn by the lady undergraduates When they matriculate. HILAR. I'll try one on. (Does so.) Why, see--I'm covered to the very toes! Ha! I've a proposition! FLORI. State it then. HILAR. Suppose we dress ourselves as girls, and claim Admission to this University? It is a thing we've often done at home In amateur theatricals. You know How well I play viragos in burlesque! FLORI. My Cleopatra, too--remember that! CYRIL My Mrs. Bouncer, too, in 'Box and Cox'! HILAR. Wilt play the woman, then? CYRIL Of course! What knight Would hesitate to "take a woman's part" ? Quartette.--HILARION, CYRIL, FLORIAN, and GOBBO, as they dress themselves in women's clothes. "Les Trois Cousines" (La Perichole ). FLORI. If we are hailed with any query, Say we are nice young ladies, three; Who of the world terribly weary, Enter a University. Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha! ALL Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha! CYRIL We will declare to them that lately, We have been bored with suitors stately, And we prefer young ladies greatly-- Sorry to say that that's too true! ALL Sorry to say that that's too true! HILAR. We must take care when we are talking, Never our manly tastes to show; Hold up our dresses thus in walking, Showing an inch of ankle--so! ALL Showing an inch of ankle--so! Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha! Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha! GOBBO (in terror). But, gentlemen, observe--if you do this, What's to become of me? HILAR. I do not know What will become of you if we do this; But I can read the fate in store for you If you presume to interfere with us. Now, porter, say to whom we should apply To gain admission. GOBBO (in tears). Why, to Lady Blanche Or Lady Psyche. FLORI. Which is prettier? GOBBO Well, I like Lady Blanche by far the best. FLORI. Then we declare for Lady Blanche at once. GOBBO You see, she's more my age--the other one. Is young and pretty! (contemptuously). CYRIL Bah! Then I retract; We will be Psyche's interesting charge! So go and summon her. (GOBBO rings and then exit.) FLORI. But stop a bit, What will your father think of such a scheme? CYRIL Oh, he be--dashed! HILAR. Extremely shocked I am! CYRIL I meant my sire-- HILAR. I thought you meant your "dam"! Enter LADY PSYCHE from gate, attended. PSYCHE Who summons us? HILAR. Three would-be students, ma'am-- Three noble ladies, ma'am, of good estate, Who wish to join this University (they courtesy). PSYCHE If, as you say, you wish to join our ranks, And will conform with all our rules, 'tis well; But understand--you must adapt yourselves To all the regulations now in force, In Princess Ida's University. HILAR. To all its rules, we cheerfully subscribe. FLORI. (aside to HILARION). Here's a catastrophe, Hilarion! This is my sister! She'll remember me, Though years have passed since she and I have met! HILAR. No matter, hide your face--she'll know you not. PSYCHE You say you're noblewomen--well, you'll find No sham degrees for noblewomen, here-- Or other cruel contrivances to draw An arbitrary line 'twixt rich and poor, No butteries, or other institutes, To make poor students feed rich cooks--no tufts To mark nobility; except such tufts As indicate nobility of brain. As to your fellow-students, mark me well-- There are five hundred maidens in these walls All good, all learned, and all beautiful. You must select your intimates from these; They are prepared to love you; will you swear You'll do your best to love them in return? FLORI. Upon our words and honors, ma'am, we will! PSYCHE And will you swear that, if, by any chance, You're thrown into a man's society, You'll not allow your thoughts to stray from us, But, at the earliest opportunity, You'll give up his society for ours? CYRIL All this, dear madam, cheerfully we swear. PSYCHE But we go further: will you undertake That you will never marry any man? FLORI. Indeed we never will! PSYCHE Consider well,-- You must prefer our maids to all mankind! HILAR. To all mankind we much prefer your maids! CYRIL We should be dolts, indeed, if we did not, Seeing how fair---- HILAR. (aside to CYRIL). Take care, that's rather strong! (aloud) We have seen men of wealth--ay, princes too-- Whose beauty has been so remarkable, That half the maidens in our monarch's court Have pined away and died for love of them! These men--Apollos in their manly grace, Indeed in every thing (except in that They wore a proper quantity of clothes)-- We think of with profound indifference, But, when we see a woman who excels In virtue, scholarship, and loveliness, We long to lay our heads upon her breast, And join our lives with hers! PSYCHE Why, that's well said. But have you left no lovers at your home, Who may pursue you here? HILAR. No, madam, none-- We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see, And we have never fished for lover's love-- We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems, False hair, and meretricious ornaments, To chain the fleeting fancy of a man; But do not imitate them. What we have Of hair is all our own--our color, too, Unladylike, but not unwomanly, Is but the glow of rugged, boisterous health; Our gait, untrammeled by the influence Of high heeled boots, small waists, and Grecian bends, May seem undignified--but then we walk As Nature meant us to--and man has learnt To reckon Nature an impertinence! PSYCHE I know how coldly men regard a girl, Whose beauty is her poorest excellence; But beauty goes for nothing in these walls. You'll find yourselves appreciated here: If what you say is true, you'll spend with us A happy, happy time! CYRIL If, as you say, Five hundred lovely maidens wait within To welcome us with smiles and open arms, I think there's very little doubt we shall! [Exeunt into Castle. SCENE THIRD.--Grounds of Castle Adamant; Waterfall and Stream, crossed by rustic bridge; GIRL-STUDENTS discovered grouped about the stage, occupied with philosophical instruments, &c. ADA I shall be quite alone, dear, in my rooms, So come and spend a long, long evening--do! And bring your steam-engine! CHLOE Oh, that I will! And you shall show me all your nice new things-- That quadrant--and the anemometer; And oh, that darling, darling dumpy-level I've heard so much about! LYDIA My love, I see You've got another new theodolite. (aside to CHLOE) That's the fifteenth this month! The one I use Went out of fashion half a year ago! Oh, I've a bit of scandal! What d'you think? Melissa found a billet-doux, concealed In that Egyptian mummy we unrolled Last night. Just think of that! Enter MELISSA, from bridge, running. MELISSA I say, my dear, I have such news for you! I've just been shown The robe for doctors of divinity. Oh, it's the sweetest thing!(Magenta silk, Trimmed with chinchilla, bouillon‚ behind, Gored to the figure though; and on the skirt, Two rows of Cluny lace as deep as that! CHLOE Oh my! How lovely! MELISSA Then the trencher cap Is amber satin, trimmed with Cluny lace And rows of pearls; and round the outer edge The tiniest, tiniest rosebuds in the world! ADA (to Chloe). It's much more lovely than the legal gown-- Green grenadine, with r–chings down the front, That we shall wear. CHLOE (pouting). I shall give up the law And go into the church! I've always felt A serious longing for a pastor's life; Besides, I'm dark, and look a fright in green! SACHA. Take care, here's Lady Blanche. How stern she looks! Enter LADY BLANCHE, L., GIRLS study vigorously. BLANCHE Attention, ladies, while I read to you The Princess Ida's list of punishments: The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled. ALL Expelled! BLANCHE Expelled--because, although she knew No man of any kind may see these halls, She dared to bring a set of chessmen here! SACHA. (in tears). I meant no harm--they're only men of wood! BLANCHE They're men with whom you give each other mate-- And that's enough! The next is Sylvia-- SYLVIA Oh! BLANCHE Sylvia is rusticated for a month Because, in spite of all our college rules Upon the point, she dared to put three rows Of lace insertion round her graduate's gown! Phyllis will lose three terms, for yesterday, When, looking through her drawing book, I found A sketch of a perambulator! ALL (shocked). Oh! BLANCHE Double perambulator, shameless girl! That's all at present. Now, attention please, Your principal, the Princess, comes to give Her usual inaugural address, To those young ladies who joined yesterday. (March.--Enter the PRINCESS, over bridge, attended by eight "daughters of the plow." All courtesy profoundly.) PRINCESS Women of Adamant--fair neophytes, Who pant for the instruction we can give, Attend, while I unfold a parable: The elephant is stronger than the man, Yet man subdues him. Why? The elephant Is elephantine everywhere but here (tapping forehead), And Man, who's brain is to the elephant's As Woman's brain to Man's--that's rule of three-- Conquers the foolish giant of the woods, As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man, In mathematics Woman leads the way! The narrow-minded pedant still believes That two and two make four! Why, we can prove-- We women, household drudges as we are-- That two and two make five--or three--or seven-- Or five-and-twenty, as the case demands! Finance? Why, I've heard clever men declare, Their bankers' balance being overdrawn, They don't know where to turn for ready cash, Yet willfully ignoring all the while That remedy unfailing--draw a check! Diplomacy? The wily diplomate Is absolutely helpless in our hands: He wheedles monarchs--Woman wheedles him! Logic? Why, tyrant man himself admits It's waste of time to argue with a woman! Then we excel in social qualities-- Though man professes that he holds our sex In utter scorn, I'll undertake to say If you could read the secrets of his heart, He'd rather be alone with one of you Than with five hundred of his fellow-men! In all things we excel. Believing this, Five hundred maidens here have sworn to place Their foot upon his neck. If we succeed, We'll treat him better than he treated us, But if we fail--oh then let hope fail too! Let no one care one penny how she looks! Let red be worn with yellow--blue with green, Crimson with scarlet--violet with blue! Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves At inconvenient moments come undone! Let hair-pins lose their virtue; let the hook Disdain the fascination of the eye,( The bashful button modestly evade The soft embraces of the button hole! Let old associations all dissolve, Let Swan secede from Edgar--Grant from Gask, Sewell from Cross--Lewis from Allenby-- In other words, let Chaos come again! Who lectures in the Upper Hall to-day? BLANCHE I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy. There, I propose considering at length Three points--the Is, the Might Be, and the Must. Whether the Is, from being actual fact, Is more important than the vague Might Be, Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope, Is, for that reason, greater than the Is, And lastly, how the Is and Might Be stand Compared with the inevitable Must. PRIN. The subject's deep--how do you treat it, pray? BLANCHE Madam, I take three Possibilities, And strike a balance then between the three, As thus--the Princess Ida Is our head-- The Lady Psyche Might Be--Lady Blanche-- Neglected Blanche--inevitably Must. Given these three hypotheses--to find The actual betting against each of them! Come, girls! [Exeunt LADY BLANCHE and STUDENTS. PRIN. (looking after her). Ambitious fool. And do you think you can Provide this college with a head. Go, go! Provide yourself with one--you want it more! Enter LADY PSYCHE, over bridge, conducting HILARION, FLORIAN, and CYRIL. LADY P. Here is the Princess Ida's favorite grove, And here's the Princess. (To PRINCESS.) These are ladies three Who join our College. HILAR. (aside to CYRIL). Gods! how beautiful! PRIN. What special study to you seek, my friend? HILAR. (enraptured). Madam, I come that I may learn to live, For, if I come not here, I die! PRIN. (laughing). Indeed? Your case is desperate! We welcome you. We meet at luncheon--until then, farewell! [Exit PRINCESS. FLORI. (aside to HILARION). When Psyche sees my face, I'm confident She'll recognize her brother Florian. Let's make a virtue of necessity, And trust our secret to her gentle care. (HILARION assents.) (aloud) Psyche! Why don't you know me--Florian? (PSYCHE amazed.) PSYCHE Why, Florian! FLORI. My sister! PSYCHE Oh, my dear, What are you doing here--and who are these? HILAR. I am that Prince Hilarion to whom Your Princess is betrothed--I come to claim Her promised love--your brother Florian, here, And Cyril--come to see me safely through. PSYCHE The Prince Hilarion!(Cyril too! How strange! My earliest playfellows! HILAR. (astonished). Why let me look! Are you that learned little Psyche who At school alarmed her mates because she called A buttercup "ranunculus bulbosus"? CYRIL Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, who At children's parties drove the conjurer wild, Explaining all his tricks before he did them? HILAR. Are you that learned little Psyche, who At dinner parties brought into dessert Would tackle visitors with "you don't know Who first determined longitude--I do-- Hipparchus 'twas, B.C. one sixty three!" Are you indeed that little Psyche then? PSYCHE That small phenomenon in truth am I! But gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here-- My vow will make me speak. What shall I do? This palace is a rat trap--we the bait-- And you the foolish victims! CYRIL Be it so-- A prisoned rat, before he dies the death, Has liberty to nibble at the bait! (kisses her). PSYCHE Forbear, sir--pray--you know not what you do! We have all promised to renounce mankind. HILAR. But on what grounds do you, fair Psyche, base This senseless resolution? PSYCHE Senseless? No! It's based upon the grand hypothesis That as the Ape is undeveloped Man, So Man is undeveloped Woman. HILAR. Then, This, of all others, is the place for us! Enter MELISSA unperceived, at back; she listens in astonishment. If Man is only undeveloped Woman, We men, if we work very hard indeed, And do our utmost to improve ourselves-- May in good time be women! Though I own Up to this point (as far as I'm aware) The metamorphosis has not commenced. MELISSA (coming down). Oh, Lady Psyche!( PSYCHE (startled). What--you heard us, then? Oh, all is lost! MELISSA Not so; I'll breathe no word. (Advancing in astonishment to FLORIAN.) How marvelously strange! And are you then, Indeed young men? FLORI. Well, yes--just now we are; But hope, by dint of study, to become, In course of time, young women! MELISSA (eagerly). No! no! no! Oh, don't do that! Is this indeed a man? I've often heard of them, but till this day Never set eyes on one. They told me men Were hideous, idiotic, and deformed! They're quite as beautiful as women are! (patting FLORIAN'S cheek) Their cheeks have not that pulpy softness which One gets so weary of in womankind! Their features are more marked, and oh! Their chins (feeling his chin) How curious! FLORI. I fear it's rather rough. MELISSA Oh, don't apologize--I like it so! But I forgot; my mother, Lady Blanche, Is coming--and her eyes are very keen-- She will detect you, sir! HILAR. Oh, never fear! We saw her ladyship an hour ago; She seemed to have suspicions of our sex, And showed us robes, and gave us needlework, As though to test us. Well, we did the work Like seamstresses--and named the various stuffs, As if we'd spent a full apprenticeship At Swan and Edgar's! Enter LADY BLANCHE. Exeunt the three GENTLEMEN with LADY PSYCHE. BLANCHE (aside to MELISSA). Here, Melissa--hush! Those are the three new students? MELISSA (confused). Yes, they are-- They're charming girls! BLANCHE (sarcastically). Particularly so! So graceful, and so very womanly; So skilled in all a girl's accomplishments! MELISSA (confused). Yes very skilled! BLANCHE You stupid little fool! Awhile ago, I placed before their eyes, Some Cluny lace--they call it Valenciennes-- Hemming is stitching--so at least they say-- A gusset is a gore--a tuck's a flounce-- Merino's cotton--linen's calico-- Poplin is silk, and rep is corduroy! I bade them hem a pocket handkerchief-- They placed their thimbles on their forefingers! And set about their work as clumsily As if they had been men, in girls' disguise! MELISSA (trembling). You surely wrong them, Mother dear, for see--(picking up a case from floor) Here is an ‚tui dropped by one of them-- Containing scissors, needles, and--( BLANCHE (taking it from her, and opening it). Cigars!!! Why these are men! And you knew this, you cat! MELISSA Oh, spare them--they are gentlemen, indeed, The Prince Hilarion--betrothed long since To Princess Ida--with two trusted friends! Consider, Mother, he's her husband now! And has been, twenty years! Consider, too, (insidiously) You're only second here--you should be first-- Assist the Prince's plan, and when he gains The Princess Ida's hand, you will be first! You will design the fashions--think of that! And always serve out all the punishments! The scheme is harmless, Mother--wink at it! BLANCHE The prospect's tempting! Well, well, well, I'll try-- Though I've not winked at any thing for years! 'Tis but one step towards my destiny-- The mighty Must! Inevitable Shall! [Exit LADY BLANCHE. MELISSA Save for a while at least! Enter FLORIAN. FLORI. Melissa here? MELISSA Oh, sir, you must away from this at once, My mother guessed your sex--it was my fault, I blushed and stammered so, that she exclaimed: "Can these be men" (then seeing this) "Why these((" "Are men!" she would have added, but "are men" Stuck in her throat! She keeps your secret, sir, For reasons of her own; but fly from this, And take me with you--that is--no, not that! FLORI. I'll go--but not without you. (Bell.) Why, what's that? MELISSA The luncheon bell. FLORI. I'll wait for luncheon, then. See, here's Hilarion with the stern Princess, And Cyril with my sister Psyche, too. Enter CYRIL with PSYCHE, and HILARION with PRINCESS, LADY BLANCHE, also all the other GIRLS, over bridge, bearing luncheon, which is spread. They all sit down and eat, CYRIL drinking freely. PRIN. You say you know the Court of Hildebrand? There is a prince there--I forget his name. HILAR. Hilarion? PRIN. Exactly. Is he well? HILAR. If it is well to droop and pine and mope-- To sigh, "Oh, Ida! Ida!" all day long-- "Ida! my love! my life! Oh, come to me!"-- If it is well, I say, to do all this, Then Prince Hilarion is very well. PRIN. He breathes our name? Well, it's a common one! And is the booby comely? HILAR. Pretty well. I've heard it said that if I dressed myself In Prince Hilarion's clothes (supposing this Consorted with my maiden modesty), I might be taken for Hilarion's self. But what is this to you or me, who think Of all mankind with unconcealed contempt? PRIN. Contempt? Why, damsel, when I think of man, Contempt is not the word! CYRIL (getting tipsy). I'm sure of that; Or, if it is, it surely should not be! HILAR. (to CYRIL). Be quiet, idiot, or they'll find us out! CYRIL The Prince Hilarion's a goodly lad! PRIN. You know him, then? CYRIL I rather think I do! We were inseparables. PRIN. Why, what's this? You loved him then? (horrified). CYRIL We did--and do--all three! And he loves us sincerely in return! HILAR. (confused). Madam, she jests--(aside to CYRIL.) Remember where you are! CYRIL Jests? Not at all--why, bless my heart alive, You and Hilarion, when at the Court, Rode the same horse! PRIN. Astride? CYRIL Of course--why not? Wore the same clothes--and once or twice, I think Got tipsy in the same good company! PRIN. Well, these are nice young ladies, on my word-- CYRIL (to FLORIAN). Don't you remember that old laughing song, That he and we would troll in unison, At the Three Pigeons--just when daylight broke? I'll give it you! Song, CYRIL, Air--Laughing Song from "Manon Lescaut." A young and earnest reader, Once with a special pleader, Was reading for the bar, Ha! ha! ha! ha! A budding luminary, Particularly wary, As lovers often are, Ha! ha! ha! ha! He met a lady bright, ha! ha! 'Twas very late at night, ha! ha! There shone no moon nor star, Ha! ha! ha! ha! Her head lay on his shoulder, And what d'you think he told her?( You'll never guess, I know. I scarcely like to tell you, For fear it should repel you-- Come, whisper, whisper low! No! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! They threaded many mazes, Of buttercups and daisies, They wandered very far, Ha! ha! ha! ha! So amiable he found her, He put his arms around her, And she opposed no bar, Ha! ha! ha! ha! He squeezed her little fin, ha! ha! He chucked her little chin, ha! ha! And christened her his star, Ha! ha! ha! ha! Her head lay on his shoulder, And what d'you think he told her? You'll never guess, I know-- I'll hazard it and tell you, Although it may repel you-- Come, whisper, whisper low! No! no! no! no! no! no! no! no! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! (After song he lights a cigarette.) PRIN. Infamous creature--get you hence away! HILAR. Dog! Here is something more to sing about! (Strikes him.) CYRIL (sobered). Hilarion--are you mad? PRIN. (astonished). Hilarion? Help! Why these are men! Lost! Lost! betrayed! undone! (running on to bridge). Girls, get you hence--man-monsters, if you dare Approach one step--I--ah! (loses balance and falls.) PSYCHE Oh! Save her, sir! BLANCHE It's useless, sir, you'll only catch your death. (HILARION springs in.) SACHA. He catches her-- MELISSA And now he lets her go-- Again she's in his grasp-- PSYCHE And now she's not! He seizes her back hair-- BLANCHE And it comes off! PSYCHE No.--no--she's saved! She's saved! She's saved! She's saved! (HILARION is seen swimming with the PRINCESS in one arm--he swims to a bank and the PRINCESS and he are brought to land.) PRIN. You've saved our lives and so have saved your own, But leave this palace--men in women's clothes! Enter LYDIA, running. Why, what's the matter now? LYDIA King Hildebrand, Holding your father captive, sends to say That if Hilarion suffers any harm, Your father's life will pay the penalty, Moreover--if you do not yield yourself, According to the tenor of your oath, He will attack you ere to-morrow's dawn-- And force compliance! PRIN. Will he so, indeed? We'll teach these men a lesson. (To HILARION.) Get you gone! You saved our lives--we thank you for it--go! Arm, Amazons! We'll show these gentlemen, How nobly Woman vindicates her claim To equal individuality! Arm! Arm! This is our opportunity. The three GENTLEMEN are thrust forth by the AMAZONS. Tableau. SCENE FOURTH.--Hildebrand's Camp before Ida's Castle. Enter HILDEBRAND and GAMA. HILDE. The Princess Ida still holds out, although Our camp is fairly pitched before her walls. King Gama, if Hilarion comes not back All safe and sound, you'll surely suffer death! Your head for his! GAMA The stakes are poorly matched: It's Lombard Street against a China orange! HILDE. In the mean time, pray make yourself at home, Direct my army as it were your own. On every matter that concerns the state, Your orders give;(they will not be obeyed, But that don't matter! GAMA Don't it? HILDE. Not a jot! The ecstasy of absolute command Is seriously dashed when you reflect, That for all consequences that ensue, You by the world are held responsible! But here, where all are bound to hear your word With every outward token of respect, They systematically disobey it, Your power of high command is just as great, The consequences absolutely nil. Enter ATHO. ATHO My liege, three gentlemen await without, Attended by a troop of soldiery. (Gives note). GAMA (reads). "The Princes Arac, Guron, Scynthius, King Gama's sons, desire that you will set Their father free." (To ATHO.) Admit these gentlemen. [Exit ATHO. My sons! That's brave! Enter ARAC, SCYNTHIUS, and GURON. HILDE. What would you, gentlemen? ARAC What would we? Why look you, King Hildebrand-- You hold our father in unkingly bonds, Our sister you beleaguer in her home, You threaten to lay waste our richest lands, And then you coolly ask us, "What would we?" GURON We come to claim our father at your hands. SCYNTHIUS We come to save our sister Ida from The rude assault of savage soldiery. Why they are girls--mere girls--and should be stormed As other girls are stormed, if stormed at all! HILDE. As other girls are stormed so shall they be; We'll use no cannon, bayonet, or sword, For such ungentlemanly arguments-- Convincing though they be--would but convince These women 'gainst their will! We'll witch them forth With love songs, odes, and idle fripperies, Such as a woman can not long withstand. Stay, you shall see-- Enter ATHO. ATHO All is prepared, my liege To storm the walls! HILDE. Then let the siege commence! Enter FIRST OFFICER. Who leads the serenading party, eh? FIRST OFFICER Sir Michael Costa-- HILDE. Good! The light guitars Fall in at six--the King's own baritones, Led by Sir Santley-- FIRST OFFICER He's not knighted sir! HILDE. He shall be, then--they will parade at five. [Exit FIRST OFFICER. Enter SECOND OFFICER. SECOND OFFICER Who leads the scaling party, sir? HILDE. Of course The first light tenors--they can highest go. [Exit SECOND OFFICER ATHO And who shall first climb up the outer wall, And reconnoiter what goes on within? HILDE. Some tenor, fool, who can "go up to see!" [Exit ATHO. Let all be furnished with their photographs, And scatter them among these amazons. Bid the director of the poets direct And post five hundred valentines, and see They get them by to-night's delivery. Go, tell the gallant lady, who commands The horse brigade of royal milliners, To place five hundred toilet tables out Within full view of Princess Ida's walls. Upon them place five hundred mirrors--then Lay out five hundred robes of French design; And if they still hold out they're more than women! [Exeunt OFFICERS, GAMA, ARAC, SCYNTHIUS, and GURON. KING If all this fails, I have a deadlier scheme, Five hundred waltzing bachelors--tried men, Who can waltz forwards--backwards--anyhow-- Shall twirl and twist before their dazzled eyes, Thrumming soft music on a light guitar. Song -- KING HILDEBRAND, Air, "Largo al Factotum" Like a teetotum with a guitar-- Just so! La, la, la, la! Bachelors spin at 'em thus from afar-- Just so! La, la, la, la! Oh, tickle their vanity; Oh, never be chary, Oh, flatter your fairy, Ever unwary, Tickle it, ah! Bravo bravissimo, Generalissimo. Serve her it, ah! Flatter her beauty, With an acute eye, Say it's your duty, Call her a star! Sneer at another, Coddle her mother, Butter her brother, Ever so far! La, la, la, la! Load her with frippery, Glovery, slippery, Cleverly planned, no going too far! Marabout feather, Gossamer airy, Fastened together, Give to your fairy. La, la, la, la! Oh, tickle her vanity, Oh, never be chary, Oh, flatter your fairy, Ever unwary, Tickle it, ah! Marry her merrily, Change it all, verily; Snapping and wrangling, Jingling and jangling, Snarling and snapping, Rubbing and rapping. "Why are you mum to me? "Why don't you come to me? "Why are you mum to me? "Why don't you come to me? "Quicker, oh! quicker, oh! quicker, oh!" My goodness! my gracious! A row, sir! Pucker your brow, sir, Pucker it, ah! Pucker it, ah! Lick her, oh, no more! Quicker, oh, "The door!" Set it ajar! Light a cigar! Set it ajar! Light a cigar! Give her a sou! Bid her adoo! Give her a sou! Bid her adoo! Bravo bravissimo, Finish your capering. Like a teetotum With a guitar! With a guitar! With a guitar! Bravo, bravissimo, Generalissimo! Take her and marry her, Worry her, harry her; Oh, you may carry her Ever so far! Just like a teetotum With a guitar! Enter ATHO. ATHO My liege, I bring good news, your plan succeeds. Three ladies of the Princess Ida's band Are coming towards your camp. HILDE. The mirrors did it! Admit them. Enter HILARION, CYRIL and FLORIAN, still in women's clothes. Why--Hilarion! Cyril too! And Florian! dressed as women. Ho! ho! ho! (all jeer them). HILAR. We gained admission to fair Ida's halls, By this disguise--We were detected though, And should have suffered death, but that she knew, In killing us, she killed her father too! GAMA (in high glee). Here, set me free! Hilarion safe again-- Is this indeed Hilarion? HILAR. Yes it is-- GAMA Why you look handsome in your women's clothes, Stick to 'em--man's attire becomes you not! (to FLORIAN and CYRIL) And you, young ladies, will you please to pray, King Hildebrand to set me free again? Hang on his neck and gaze into his eyes, Bring all your woman's wiles to bear on him. He never could resist a pretty face! CYRIL You dog! Though I wear woman's garb, you'll find My sword is long and sharp. GAMA Hush, pretty one! Here's a virago! Here's a termagant! If length and sharpness go for any thing, You'll want to sword while you can wag your tongue. FLORI. What need to talk of swords to such as he? He's old and crippled--(to GAMA) Oh, if you were young, And tolerably straight--and I could catch You all alone, I'd--Ah! GAMA (bashfully). Oh, go along, You naughty girl--why, I'm a married man! But I've three sons--see, ladies--here they are-- Fine fellows--young and muscular and brave. They'll meet you, if you will. Come, what d'ye say? ARAC Ay, pretty ones, engage yourselves with us, If three rude warriors who have spent their lives Hacking at enemies, affright you not! HILAR. (to GAMA). Old as you are, I'd wring your shriveled neck If you were not the Princess Ida's father! GAMA If I were not the Princess Ida's father, And so had not her brothers for my sons, No doubt you'd wring my neck--in safety too! HILAR. Enough! I speak for Florian and Cyril. Arac, we take your challenge--three to three( So that it's understood that Ida's hand Depends upon the issue. ARAC There's my hand; If she consents not--sister though she be We'll raze her castle to the very ground! [Exeunt. SCENE FIFTH.--Inner Gate of Castle Adamant. All the LADY STUDENTS discovered--the eight SERVANTS as Amazons--the thers all around. Flourish--Enter PRINCESS IDA, followed by LADY BLANCHE. PRIN. Is all prepared for war? We have to meet Stern bearded warriors in fight to-day. Wear naught but what is necessary to Preserve your dignity before their eyes, And give your limbs full play. BLANCHE One moment, ma'am, Here is a paradox we should not pass Without inquiry. We are prone to say, "This thing is Needful--that Superfluous"-- Yet they invariably co-exist! We find the Needful comprehended in The circle of the grand Superfluous; While the Superfluous can not be bought Unless you're amply furnished with the Needful. These singular considerations are-- PRIN. Superfluous, yet not Needful--so, you see, These terms may independently exist. Women of Adamant, we have to show These men how they have under-rated us. Now is the time to prove our titles to The highest honors they monopolize. Now is the time to prove our theory That woman, educated to the work, Can meet man face to face on his own ground, And beat him there. Now let us set to work! Where is our lady surgeon? SACHA. Madam, here! PRIN. We shall require your skill to heal the wounds Of those that fall. SACHA. What! heal the wounded? PRIN. Yes! SACHA. And cut off real live legs and arms? PRIN. Of course! SACHA. I wouldn't do it for a thousand pounds! PRIN. Why, how is this? Are you faint-hearted, girl? You've often cut them off in theory. SACHA. In theory I'll cut them off again With pleasure, and as often as you like-- But not in practice! PRIN. Coward, get you hence! I've craft enough for that, and courage too. I'll do your work! My Amazons, advance! Why, you are armed with spears--mere gilded toys! Where are your muskets, pray? ADA Why, please you, ma'am, We left them in the armory, for fear That, in the heat and turmoil of the fight, They might go off. PRIN. "They might!" Oh, craven souls, Go off yourselves! Thank heaven, I have a heart That quails not at the thought of meeting men. I will discharge your muskets. Off with you! Where's my bandmistress? CHLOE Please you, ma'am, the band Do not feel well, and can't come out to-day! PRIN. Why, this is flat rebellion! I've no time To talk to them just now! But happily I can play several instruments at once, And I will drown the shrieks of those that fall With trumpet music such as soldiers love. How stand we with respect to gunpowder? My Lady Psyche--you who superintend The lab'ratory, where your class compounds That hideous chemical--are you prepared To blow these bearded rascals to shreds? PSYCHE Why, madam-- PRIN. Well? PSYCHE Let us try gentler means-- Treat them with the contempt that they deserve. We can dispense with fulminating grains While we have eyes with which to flash our rage. We can dispense with villainous saltpeter, While we have tongues with which to blow them up. We can dispense, in short, with all the arts That brutalize the practical polemist. PRIN. (contemptuously). I never knew a more dispensing chemist! Away! away! I'll meet these men alone, For all my women have deserted me! Enter MELISSA. MELISSA Madam, your brothers crave an audience. PRIN. My brothers? Why, what do they here? MELISSA They come To fight for you. PRIN. Admit them. BLANCHE Infamous! One's brothers, ma'am, are men! PRIN. So I have heard; But all my women seem to fail me when I need them most: in this perplexity Even one's brothers may be turned to use. Enter ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS. ARAC My sisters! PRIN. Arac, Guron, Scynthius, too! (they embrace). ARAC We have arranged that Prince Hilarion And his two followers shall fight us here; And if we fall, we've promised him your hand. PRIN. (sighing). So be it, Arac; brothers though you be, With all your faults you're brave, as brutes are brave. So be it--fight them here, but (aside and bashfully) oh, my brother, Kill whom you will, but spare Hilarion! He saved my life! MELISSA (aside to ARAC). Oh, save me Florian, He is her brother! (indicating PSYCHE.) PSYCHE (aside to ARAC). Oh, spare Cyril, sir, You've no idea what jolly songs he sings! ARAC Bah! I can spare them all--I want them not! But here they come, stand back, the lists prepare-- Get you within those walls, poor trembling ones, And see that no one interferes with us. Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN, with KINGS GAMA and HILDEBRAND-- PRINCESS and LADIES retire within outer wall, and group themselves on battlements. GAMA Come boys, we've all prepared, begin! begin! Why you lack mettle!(Gad, I'll spur you up! (To ARAC) Look, Arac--there's the son of that vile king, Who, when he held me as his prisoner, Tormented me with tortures worse than death. I hadn't any thing to grumble at! He found out what particular meats I loved, And gave me them--the very choicest wine-- The costliest robes--the richest rooms were mine. He suffered none to thwart my simplest plan, And gave strict orders none should contradict me. He made my life a curse! Go in at them! Avenge your father's wrongs! (To HILARION) And as for you-- (pointing to his sons) Here are three princes, sirs, who stand between You and your happiness--so cut them down! Give them no mercy, they will give you none. Come, Prince Hilarion, begin, begin! You've this advantage over warriors Who kill their country's enemies for pay, You know what you are fighting for--look there! (pointing to LADIES on battlements.) HILAR. Come on! ARAC Come on! CYRIL Come on! SCYN. Come on! FLORI. Come on! (Desperate fight--at the end, HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN wound ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS. PRIN. (entering through gate). Hold! Stay your hands!(we yield ourselves to you. Ladies, my brothers all lie bleeding there! Bind up their wounds--but look the other way. Is this the end? How say you, Lady Blanche-- Can I with dignity my post resign? And if I do, will you then take my place? BLANCHE To answer this, it's meet that we consult The great Potential Mysteries; I mean The five Subjunctive Possibilities( The May, the Might, the Would, the Could, the Should. Can you resign? The prince Might claim you; if He Might, you Could--and if you Should, I Would! PRIN. I thought as much. Then to my fate I yield-- So ends my cherished scheme! Oh, I had hoped To band all women with my maiden throng, And make them all abjure tyrannic Man! HILDE. A noble aim! PRIN. You ridicule it now; But if I carried out this glorious scheme, At my exalted name Posterity Would bow in gratitude! HILDE. But pray reflect-- If you enlist all women in your cause, And make them all abjure tyrannic Man, The obvious question then arises, "How Is this Posterity to be provided?" PRIN. I never thought of that! My Lady Blanche, How do you solve the riddle? BLANCHE Don't ask me-- Abstract Philosophy won't answer it. Take him--he is your Shall. Give in to Fate! PRIN. And you desert me? I alone am stanch! HILAR. Madam, you placed your trust in woman--well, Woman has failed you utterly--try man, Give him one chance, it's only fair--besides, Women are far too precious, too divine To try unproven theories upon. Experiments, the proverb says, are made On humble subjects--try our grosser clay, And mold it as you will! CYRIL Remember, too, Dear Madam, if at any time you feel Aweary of the Prince, you can return To Castle Adamant, and rule your girls As heretofore, you know. PRIN. And shall I find The Lady Psyche here? PSYCHE If Cyril, ma'am, Does not behave himself, I think you will. PRIN. And you, Melissa, shall I find you here? MELISSA Madam, however Florian turns out, Unhesitatingly I answer, No. GAMA Consider this, my love: if your mamma Had looked on matters from your point of view (I wish she had), why, where would you have been? LADY B. There's an unbounded field of speculation, On which I could discourse for hours! PRIN. No doubt! We will not trouble you. Hilarion, I have been wrong--I see my error now. Take me, Hilarion--"We will walk the world Yoked in all exercise of noble end! And so through those dark gates across the wild That no man knows! Indeed, I love thee--Come!" Finale, from "Le Pont des Soupirs." CYRIL Singers know How sweetly at a piano A tenor and soprano Together sound. CHORUS. Singers know, &c. HILAR. This will show That men and women verily Can get along more merrily Together bound. CHORUS This will show That men and women verily Can get along more merrily Together bound! Together bound! Together bound!