From p00629@psilink.com Fri Nov 12 06:50:00 1993 Date: Thu, 11 Nov 93 20:19:28 -0800 To: "Alex Feldman" From: "James M. Farron" Subject: STARWARS.TXT The G&S Version of Star Wars Without doubt, W.S. Gilbert was a writer before his time: he was writing stories about extraterrestrials (The Wicked World), alterations in the space/time continuum (Foggerty's Fairy), cyborgs (The Mountebanks), mind-transfer (The Man in Black), and men trying to play gods (Thespis) long before it became fashionable for science fiction writers to do it. Since there is such a strong vein of what has become regarded as the domain of SF in Gilbert's writing, and (more likely) since Pinafore and The Pirates of Penzance lend themselves so well to being parodied, it was only a matter of time before somebody came up with the following. One of Sarah Cole's friends, a longtime fan of the film Star Wars, sent her what she thought was a parody of a G&S song from one of the science fiction film fanzines she had run across. It turned out that one song was part of a much longer G&S parody based on tunes from Pirates and Pinafore: H.M.S. DeathStar, by Bev Grant, which appeared in Syndizine #3, in about 1983. After a year, we still have no more information about this magazine than its title and the year of publication (if anyone knows anything more about it, please let us know). In any event, Sarah Cole, who still enjoys Star Wars herself, thought the parody was a riot, and thought the rest of the MGS membership would enjoy highlights from this work (As a matter of fact, she enjoyed it so much, she was sorry the author limited herself to only two of the G&S operas: there are so many other songs in the G&S operas that would have lent themselves to Star Wars-ization. But be that as it may). Judging from the photocopy in hand, the author got the idea from the recording of Joseph Papp's production of Pirates. The work was set up like a libretto that would accompany a record album, and includes illustrations; a few of which appear here to set the mood. So, courtesy of Margaret McNickle and the publishers of Syndizine, and in honor of the thirteenth anniversary of the film's release (on May 25), the MGS presents: Syndi-Papp Presents H.M.S. DEATH STAR: THE SOUNDTRACK Music pirated from A. Sullivan Lyrics adapted from the original librettos of H.M.S. Pinafore and Pirates of Penzance Dedication: to Anna Russell, who once proposed (see Anna Russell Sings! Again?, Columbia Masterworks) a formula for writing your own Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. . .as well as a description of the sort of person who could be expected to try. It's not my fault! {The Cast, for the uninitiated: Good Guys: Princess Leia: Representative to the Imperial Senate from the planet Alderaan. Luke Skywalker: A farmboy from the planet Tatooine who has greatness thrust upon him. Han Solo: A handsome young smuggler. Chewbacca: Han's wookie sidekick (he's big and shaggy and speaks gutteral). Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi: An old Jedi master. R2-D2 and C-3PO: The cutest pair of robots (droids) you ever saw. Bad Guys: Darth Vader: An evil Jedi. Governor Tarkin: Commander of the Death Star. Stormtrooper Chorus: Soldiers of Empire. Jawas: Little desert scavengers. Ed.} SIDE 1 When I was a Lad (Originally "When I Was a Lad" / Pinafore, Act 1, Part II) Darth Vader: When I was a lad, I went to school To a Jedi Master who I thought was cool. His name was Kenobi, and they called him Ben; And although you won't believe it, I knew even then Stormtrooper Chorus: And although you won't believe it, he knew even then Vader: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching me, I'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Chorus: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching he, He'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Vader: I studied very hard and developed skill At levitating boulders and at saber drill. I got so good I could balance, chum, Upside down on the tip of my right or left thumb. Chorus: Upside down on the tip of his right or left thumb. Vader: Pretty soon it became quite clear to me That I was the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Chorus: Pretty soon it became quite clear to he That he was the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Vader: I went to the Master, said "Obi-wan, The days when you could teach me things have come and gone; I'm the finest Jedi alive, you see." And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at me! Chorus: And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at he! Vader: Now I've killed all the others, none can disagree Than I am the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Chorus: Now he's killed all the others, none can disagree Than he is the finest Jedi in the galaxy! Vader: The end of the Jedi brought to me A once in a lifetime opportunity, For the Emperor had seen my work And knew that I would not be one to shirk. Chorus: And knew that he would not be one to shirk. Vader: My duty, be it e'er so mean To advance the position of Lord Palpatine*. Chorus: His duty, be it e'er so mean, To advance the position of Lord Palpatine. Vader: And from that day, though you may curse, My power has been feared throughout the universe. I'm second to one man alone; The one who sits upon the Empire's throne! Chorus: The one who sits upon the Empire's throne! Vader: Soon the Emperor will fall to me, And then I'll be the ruler of the galaxy! Chorus: Soon the Emperor will fall to he, And then he'll be the ruler of the galaxy! Vader: If you yearn to become as great as me, Then you daren't be fettered by loyalty; You must study very hard and go to school, All the while being guided by this golden rule: Chorus: All the while being guided by this golden rule: Vader: There is nothing like a spot of treachery-- To advance, don't miss a single opportunity! Chorus: There is nothing like a spot of treachery-- To advance, don't miss a single opportunity! {*For those who, like S/A Cole, are familiar with Star Wars but have never heard of Lord Palpatine, the introduction to the novel says he was a senator who got himself elected Emperor of the Galaxy, then let the galaxy go to the dogs. I had to go look it up, too. Ed.} Keep Close to Me ("His Nose Should Pant and His Lip Should Curl"/Pinafore) Jawa Leader: Keep close to me and don't make a sound; Don't let it know anyone's around. Just wait--yes wait--'til you see it fall, And then we will descend upon it, one and all. It Is an R-2 Droid ("He Is an Englishman"/Pinafore) Jawa Leader: It is an R-2 droid, A valuable possession, And we've made it our profession To resell used R-2 droids. Jawa Chorus: To resell used R-2 droids. Jawa Leader: And though it be in fine fettle Or a useless piece of metal With a warranty long void Jawa Chorus: With a warranty long void Jawa Leader: Still we'll sell it at a profit, And we'll live quite comfy off it, For it is an R-2 droid. Jawa Chorus: Still we'll sell it. . .(etc.) My Friends Call me Skywalker ("I'm Called Little Buttercup/Pinafore) Luke: My friends call me Skywalker, wormie* Luke Skywalker Though I could never see why. They tell me I'm green, even for Tatooine-- Just a dreamer with stars in my eye. With Biggs, boon companion, I've flown Beggar's Canyon And bullseyed a womp rat or two. Now Biggs says, "Get out of here!" Uncle says, Wait a year!" What's a poor farmboy to do? If you seek to enter into some bright center Of space, Tatooine isn't it. Come Jawa, come Raider, I'm hopping a freighter; When this harvest is over, I'll split! The Academy calls, and adventure enthralls-- I may rescue some maid in distress! With a ship of my own, I'll fight Emperor or clone. The heroic Luke Skywalker? Yes! {*While it doesn't come out in the film, in the novel Star Wars, Luke's nickname is "Wormie". Ed.} ["Pretty Traitor You Are" ("Pretty Daughter of Mine"/Pinafore), about Vader's interrogation of Princess Leia, has been cut. Ed.] When Darth Vader is Engaged ("When a Felon's Not Engaged"/Pirates) Princess Leia: When Darth Vader is engaged in fiendish torture-- Vader: Fiendish torture Leia: Or maturing his demented Sithish plans-- Vader: Sithish plans Leia: There is one thing of which no one could be more sure-- Vader: Could be more sure Leia: He is not a friend of Wookies' or of man's-- Vader: Or of man's Leia: My worries I with difficulty smother-- Vader: 'Culty smother Leia: As I wait for him to have his Sithish fun-- Vader: Sithish fun Leia: Ah, take one consideration with another-- Vader: With another Leia: A princess' lot is not a happy one. Vader: As she waits for me to have my Sithish fun-- Sithish fun A princess' lot is not a happy one. Leia: As I sit imprisoned here aboard the Death Star-- Vader: 'Board the Death Star Leia: With the Dark Lord Vader standing in my cell-- Vader: In her cell Leia: And his torture robot hovering not too far-- Vader: 'Vring not too far Leia: From where I wait its special brand of hell-- Vader: Brand of hell Leia: My fears close 'round me 'till I almost smother-- Vader: Almost smother Leia: Can my secrets still be secret when he's done-- Vader: When I'm done? Leia: Ah, take one consideration with another-- Vader: With another Leia: A princess' lot is not a happy one. Vader: Can her secrets still be secret when I'm done-- A princess' lot is not a happy one. {*Darth Vader is referred to as a Sith Lord. I don't remember it being mentioned in the film, but nevertheless, that's the reason for the reference here. Ed.} You Don't Need to See His I.D. ("Never Mind the Why and Wherefore"/Pinafore) Ben: You don't need to see his I.D., Though his speeder's most untidy, And the droids you're searching for appear right under- neath your eyes. You are going to let us go much to your underlings' surprise. No stormtrooper with his blaster In the entire galaxy Can detain a Jedi Master If he doesn't want to be! These are not the droids you're after. Stormtrooper: These are not the droids we're after. Ben: Move along a little faster! Stormtrooper: Move along a little faster! Ben: You will count it a disaster When it comes time to report That you met a Jedi Master Here in Mos Eisley space port! For the Force now has you blinded; That's because you are weak-minded, Just the sort of a chap who volunteers to serve the Emperor. You will let us pass right by you and our safety thus ensure. (Repeat from "No stormtrooper with his blaster" through "Here in Mos Eisley space port!") We Have Flown the Kessel Run ("We Sail the Ocean Blue"/Pinafore) Han: We have flown the Kessel run, Though my pirate ship's no beauty; Still we have a lot of fun, and we never pay our duty! All the Empire's decrees We evade with ease, Be our cargo gems or spice. My Millennium ship Can handle the trip If you think you can meet our price. In cash! In cash! ["What Joy, What Profit I've Attained" ("Oh Joy, O Rapture Unforseen"/Pinafore), about Han Solo's nearly getting shot by Greedo the Hit-Being; and "Though She May Not Look Like Much" ("Sir Joseph's Barge is Seen [the Sailors' portion]"/Pinafore), have been cut. Ed.] SIDE TWO I Am Commander of the Death Star ("I Am the Captain of the Pinafore"/Pinafore) Tarkin: I am commander of the Death Star! Stormtrooper Chorus: And a mighty fine commander, too! Tarkin: You're very, very good, And be it understood, I command a right good crew. Chorus: We're very, very good, And be it understood, He commands a right good crew. Tarkin: Though I really do abhor Her cause, the Senator Will I treat most gallantly; I have never used a whip Or torture on this trip And would never treat her cruelly! Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: No, never! Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: Hardly ever! Chorus: Hardly ever treat her cruelly! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the kind commander of the great Death Star! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For commander of the great Death Star! Tarkin: I do my best to serve the Empire-- Chorus: As a dedicated governor. Tarkin: I'll destroy the rebel base; Its location I will trace With the aid of our prisoner. Chorus: He'll destroy the rebel base; Its location he will trace With the aid of our prisoner. Tarkin: Let the folk of Alderaan Aid the rebels all they can And call Palpatine corrupt; Though the power I control Could destroy their planet whole, I would never, never blow it up! Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: No, never! Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: Hardly ever! Chorus: He would hardly ever blow it up! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the merciful ruler of the great Death Star! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the ruler of the great Death Star! ["Although Your Chess Opponent There" ("I Am the Monarch of the Sea"/Pinafore), about Chewbacca's being a bad loser, is cut. Ed.] Things Are Seldom what They Seem (Tune of the same title/Pinafore) Ben: Things are seldom what they seem, Little moons with silver gleam May prove out on close inspection A much deadlier confection. Luke: Get away While we may! Han: This is like an evil dream-- We're caught in a tractor beam! Luke: We are headed for a disaster, Moving towards it ever faster! Han, Luke, & Ben: Woe have we! Can't break free! [The reprise of "They Call me Luke Skywalker", in which Han talks about rescuing the Princess; and "You've Discovered an Aroma" ("Carefully on Tiptoe Stealing"/Pinafore), about our heroes escapades in a Death Star garbage pit, have been cut. Ed.] I Am the Very Model of a Modern Diplomatic Droid (What else?/Pirates {I like this one best, if for no other reason than C-3PO is the only character who sounded like he ought to be in a G&S opera to begin with (the actor who created the character sounds rather like Thomas Round). Ed.}) C-3PO: I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid I'm fluent in the languages of robot, Wookie, humanoid; A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery, I know the rules of protocol and also human history; I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news-- With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (etc.) C-3PO: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed; I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. Chorus: In short, his masters find in him a reason to be overjoyed; He is the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. C-3PO: I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid; Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid, For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down, Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor under- ground. My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us, He lured me to the desert where the Jawas soon molested us; They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day, I had to tell our master that the little twerp had run away. Chorus: He had to tell their master that the little twerp had run away (etc.). C-3PO: Now that we're on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises, I'm hiding in a closet with that little R-2 nemesis; And so I want to make it clear ere R-2 gets us both destroyed, I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid! Chorus: And so he wants to make it clear ere R-2 gets them both destroyed, He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid! I Am Commander of the Death Star (Reprise) Tarkin: I am commander of the Death Star, Stormtrooper Chorus: And we're now in sight of Yavin's moon! Tarkin: The famous rebel base Will be gone without a trace Ere the end of this afternoon. Chorus: The famous rebel base Will be gone without a trace Ere the end of this afternoon. Tarkin: Any dangers you perceive From attacks we here receive, Do not overestimate. With our triumph now so near, This in not the time for fear, And I never will evacuate. Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: No, never! Chorus: What, never? Tarkin: No, never! Chorus: No, he never will evacuate. Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, for the late commander of the doomed Death Star. Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For. . . (Note from the record jacket: We regret that technical difficulties beyond our control made it impossible to record the end of this aria {sic! Ed.}) The Grand Finale ("Come, Friends, Who Plow the Sea"/Pirates) All the Good Guys: Hail, hail, the gang's all here: Leia and the Wookie, Solo and the rookie. Hail, Hail, the gang's all here: Get in line for Death Star II! Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Ain't the show been thrillin'? Bet we make a million! Hail, Hail, the gang's all here: Get in line for Death Star . . . (Spoken:) Two, four, six, eight, Who do we appreciate? (Note from the record jacket: The following music accompanies fifteen minutes of credits.) [This article appeared in Issue 26 (March 1990) of Precious Nonsense, the newsletter of the Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society. Posted by permission of Sarah Cole, Society Secretary/Archivist. For information on Society membership write to: The Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society, c/o Miss Sarah Cole, 613 W. State St., North Aurora, IL 60542-1538.] . alex@diamond.idbsu.edu Message-Id: <2962153406.0.p00629@psilink.com> Date: Thu, 11 Nov 93 20:23:56 -0800 To: "Alex Feldman" From: "James M. Farron" Subject: LATITIA.ZOO X-Mailer: PSILink-DOS (3.4) The Truth is Found Member Arthur Robinson [has] a clue about possible words to Latitia's wordless solo in The Zoo. In a copy of the vocal score he purchased recently, he found some lyrics, dated between July 4 and August 23, 1975, stuck in the book. Those lyrics are: Alone and broken-hearted I go my way. The cries of these wild beasts my weary soul affright not. By my darling? Who knows? He believes me dead, or worse -he- Thinks I drank that potion. Fates, oh tell me is my lover lost? Oh, say. Could he have wandered to this place, this place of dread? Its terrors I have braved all with the hope that I might find him. If I do not? What then? Then my hope of love is fled -all- Joy in life has vanished. Fates, oh tell me is my lover lost? oh, say. Oh heartless Fates, Ah Oh, say. [This item appeared in Issue 26 (March 1990) of Precious Nonsense, the newsletter of the Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society. Posted by permission of Sarah Cole, Society Secretary/Archivist. For information on Society membership write to: The Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society, c/o Miss Sarah Cole, 613 W. State St., North Aurora, IL 60542-1538.] . alex@diamond.idbsu.edu Message-Id: <2962153454.1.p00629@psilink.com> Date: Thu, 11 Nov 93 20:25:17 -0800 To: "Alex Feldman" From: "James M. Farron" Subject: PINEAPLE.SNG X-Mailer: PSILink-DOS (3.4) The 6th Annual Biq Quiz in Precious Nonsense, the newsletter of the Midwestern Gilbert and Sullivan Society, asked the question "Can you name the tunes from the Gilbert and Sullivan operas Sir Charles Mackarras used in his ballet suite Pineapple Poll, in the order of their appearance?" It was a trick question -- the answer was either Yes or No. However, many people turned in lists, and the following list was compiled from these reader submissions. OPENING DANCE: 1. Mikado, Opening Act 1. 2. Trial By Jury, "Hark, the hour of Ten is sounding". 3. Mikado, "So please you, sir, we much regret" ("But youth, of course, must have its fling. . ."). 4. Patience, "The Soldiers of our Queen". 5. Trial by Jury, "He will treat us with awe" ("Trial-la- la"). 6. Gondoliers, "Good Morrow, Pretty Maids" (orchestral back- ground to the song) 7. Trial By Jury, "Hark, the hour of Ten is sounding". 8. Mikado, "So please you, sir, we much regret". POLL'S DANCE AND PAS DE DEUX: 1. Gondoliers, Introduction to "Here is a Case Unprec- edented". 2. Princess Ida, Introduction to "The Woman of the Wisest Wit". 3. Gondoliers, "Here is a Case Unprecedented". 4. Patience, "Twenty Lovesick Maidens We" ("Go, breaking heart"). 5. Gondoliers, "Here is a Case Unprecedented" and Patience, "Twenty Lovesick Maidens We" counterpoint. 6. Gondoliers, "Here is a Case Unprecedented". 7. Princess Ida, End of "The Woman of the Wisest Wit". BELAYE'S SOLO: 1. Cox and Box, "Rataplan". 2. Patience, "In a Doleful Train". 3. Cox and Box", Rataplan (...rataplan, I'm a military man. . .)" 4. Cox and Box, "Rataplan" (second appearance in the work, when it is the only lyric). 5. Cox and Box, conclusion of overture. PAS DE TROIS: 1. Mikado, Introduction to "Braid the Raven Hair". 2. Pirates of Penzance, "How Beautifully Blue the Sky". 3. Pirates of Penzance, "Did ever maiden wake from dream". 4. Pirates of Penzance, "How Beautifully Blue the Sky" (naturally). 5. Ruddigore, "If somebody there chanced to be". (Refrain) 6. Pirates of Penzance, "How Beautifully Blue the Sky". 7. Pirates of Penzance, "Did ever maiden wake from dream". FINALE: 1. Patience, "Twenty Lovesick Maidens We". 2. Pirates of Penzance, "The Pirates! Oh Despair!" (Orchestra introduction). 3. Ruddigore, "Deny the Falsehood, Robin, as you should. . ." (first act finale). 4. Iolanthe, "To You I yield my heart so rich. . ." (First act finale). 5. Patience, Overture/"Oh list, while we a love confess" 6. Iolanthe, "To You I yield my heart so rich". 7. Patience, Overture (end). POLL'S SOLO: 1. Iolanthe, Invocation. Transition to JASPER'S SOLO: 1. Iolanthe, Overture (transition between "Welcome to Our Hearts Again" and "He Loves"). 2. Princess Ida, Overture ("Oh Goddess Wise" to the end). BELAYE'S SOLO AND SAILOR'S DRILL: 1. Princess Ida, "When Anger Spreads His Wing". 2. Princess Ida, "For a Month to Dwell in a Dungeon Cell". 3. Gondoliers, "Two Kings of Undue Pride Bereft". 4. Ruddigore, "When a Man Has Been a Naughty Baronet"/Theme from the original Ruddigore overture. POLL'S SOLO: 1. Trial by Jury, "That She is Reeling is Plain to See". 2. Iolanthe, (motif) 3. Patience, Overture (before the music for "Turn oh Turn in This Direction"). 4. Princess Ida, "The World is But a Broken Toy". ENTRY OF BELAYE WITH BLANCHE AS BRIDE: 1. Yeomen of the Guard, Flourish for Fairfax's Entrance to Claim his Bride. 2. Trial by Jury, Entry of the Bridesmaids. 3. Iolanthe, First act Finale (the Peers' "Oh Horror" and Fairies' response). 4. Iolanthe, "Once Again Thy Vows are Broken" ("Bow Thy Head to Destiny"). 5. Iolanthe, First act "Horror". 6. Iolanthe, "Once Again Thy Vows are Broken". 7. Trial by Jury, "I Love Him, I Love Him, with Fervor Unceasing". 8. Iolanthe, "Go Away Madam" (First Act Finale). RECONCILIATION: 1. Ruddigore, "The Battle's Roar is Over" (from Overture). FINALE: 1. Mikado, Introduction to "The Threatened Cloud Has Passed Away". 2. Trial by Jury, "Oh Joy Unbounded". 3. H.M.S. Pinafore, "Never Mind the Why and Wherefore". 4. Patience, Overture ("So Go to Him, and Say to Him"). 5. Princess Ida, "Gently, Gently. . ." ("We've Learned that Prickly Cactus"). 6. Pirates of Penzance/Thespis, "Climbing Over Rocky Mountain ("Let us Gaily Tread the Measure"). (7. Pirates of Penzance, "Sighing Softly to the River" (in counterpoint to above) [I still can't hear it, but it's supposed to be there. Ed.]) 8. Patience, Overture ("So Go to Him, and Say to Him"). 9. Trial by Jury, "Oh Joy Unbounded". 10. Overture Di Ballo, Galop theme. 11. Yeomen of the Guard, Overture (Tower Theme) 12. Patience, Overture. 13. H.M.S. Pinafore, Overture/Ruddigore, Overture (very end). 14. Mikado, First act Finale (very end). [This list appeared in Issue 27 of Precious Nonsense, the newsletter of the Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society. Posted by permission of Sarah Cole, Society Secretary/Archivist. For information on Society membership write to: The Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society, c/o Miss Sarah Cole, 613 W. State St., North Aurora, IL 60542-1538.] .