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ACT 1

No. 11: FINALE

Re-enter DORCAS and CHORUS.

CHORUS.
  The bonny bridegroom cometh
    To meet the bonny bride,
  Let all the gates of Haddon
    Their portals open wide!

RUPERT and the PURITANS re-appear on the terrace.

  The bonny bridegroom cometh —
    Your breath together draw!
  Prepare to bid him welcome
    With a hip, hip, hip — oh law!

All avert their faces at the sight of the Puritans.

RUPERT.
  Our first appearance is not a success.
SIMEON.
  Well, not a triumph.
NICODEMUS.
  A succes d'estime.
BARNABAS.
  Or less.
RUPERT.
  Ladies fair, I pray you,
    Do not be afraid;
  Let us not dismay you,
    We but ply our trade.
PURITANS.
  Do not so disdain us,
    We but ply our trade!
CHORUS.
  Though the objects pain us,
    They but ply their trade.

RUPERT.
  Once we close the portals,
    Once we shut the shop,
  We're like other mortals,
    Out upon the hop!
PURITANS.
    Out upon the hop!
CHORUS.
  Once they close the portals,
    Once they shut the shop,
  They're like other mortals,
    Out upon the hop!
  Once they close the portals,
They're like other mortals, other mortals
    Out upon the hop!
     
RUPERT.
  I pray you, pretty ladies,
    Before this audience ends,
  To let me do the honours
    And introduce my friends.
  Sing-Song Simeon
DORCAS. (shaking head, spoken)
  Not an Endymion!
RUPERT.
  Nicodemus Knock-knee.
NANCE. (spoken)
  Sanctimonious cockney!
RUPERT.
  Barnabas Bellows-to-Mend.
DORCAS. (spoken)
  All of them fellow to mend!
RUPERT.
  Kill-Joy Candlemas.
CHORUS.
  Enough! enough! we have suffered galore,
We cannot suffer more!
    Oh, let's see the back of you,
Every man-jack of you,
  All of you sillies and all of you sights!
    The sight of old fogies
That blow up like bogies,
  And keep one awake in the dead of the nights.
Get away! get away! get away! get away! get away!

They go up in a dudgeon.

RUPERT. (to Audience)
  Between ourselves, I candidly confess,
That I expected neither more nor less.
(to PURITANS)
  My faithful friends, I do not mind confessing
To all of you, whom I am now addressing,
That, as a lot, you are not prepossessing.
    It's no use blinking it!
PURITANS.
    We were just thinking it!
       
RUPERT.
  Ladies, pretty ladies, second thoughts are best;
Pregnant is the proverb, time's the only test.
    Come, ladies fair beyond compare,
      And list to my confessions;
    Be warned by me, and never be
      Deceived by first impressions.
       
CHORUS.
    Come/Go, ladies fair, beyond compare -
     
And list to his confessions.

RUPERT.
  When I was but a little lad,
And cake and toffee made me glad,
    And high the sun at noon!
  My mother came to me one day,
When I was in the field at play,
    With jam upon a spoon.
  It looked so nice, I thought not twice,
The jam had vanished in a trice —
    Quite frank are these confessions!
  Alas, the jam concealed a pill
Which made me very, very ill —
    Deceived by first impressions!
CHORUS.
  Oh, joy! the jam concealed a pill
Which made him very, very ill —
    Deceived by first impressions!
     
RUPERT.
  Quoth Dr. Syntax, one fine day,
"Rupert, I have a word to say."
    (I had just told a cram.)
  So tenderly he took my hand,
His tone was so polite and bland,
    I followed like a lamb.
  But once upstairs his manner freezed,
And all at once he seemed displeased,
    As with Aeneas, Dido!
  Then, quick as thought he seized a birch
And fairly knocked me off my perch —
    Whack, whack, whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!

ENSEMBLE.

RUPERT. WOMEN. MEN.
    Now, ladies fair,
        Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
    Beyond compare         Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
  Be warned by my
                      confessions;
        Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
    You surely see     You surely see   Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
    The vanity —     The vanity —   Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
  Of trusting first                       impressions.     Of trusting first                      impressions.   Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!
Whack-fol-de-riddle-i-do!

RUPERT & CHORUS.
  Whack, whack, whack-fol-de-riddle-I-do!

Re-enter SIR GEORGE, LADY VERNON, and DOROTHY.

SIR GEORGE.
  Hail, Cousin Rupert, welcome to our heart!
    Though scarce we know thee in this habit homely.
RUPERT.
  It doth not suit me, but before we part
    I hope to change it for a grab more comely.
LADY VERNON.
  A bridegroom's?
RUPERT.
  Aye, if this sweet maiden wills.
SIR GEORGE.
  This maiden, aye, her father's wish fulfils.
RUPERT.
  Cousin fair, to thee I offer
    Soul and body, heart and hand.
SIR GEORGE.
  In exchange to thee we proffer
    Beauty, duty, house, and land.
LADY VERNON.
  Husband, hear me! husband, listen!
    Let our daughter's heart reply.
  In her eyes the teardrops glisten.
    If she wed him, she will die!
DOROTHY.
  Father, hear me; father, listen!
    If I wed him, I shall die!

ENSEMBLE.

DOROTHY. DORCAS. LADY VERNON. RUPERT. SIR GEORGE. CHORUS.
Father, Only Husband, Cousin If she
hear me; hear her, only hear her, husband, fair to thee I wed him
hear listen hear her offer Soul and she will
me; If I wed If she wed him If she body, heart and die! will
him, I shall she will wed him, she will hand, heart and die! If she
die! Father, hear me, die! Only hear her, die! Only hear her, hand, heart and soul and wed, if she wed him, If she
father, hear me; only hear her; husband, hear her; hand, heart and soul and if she wed him, wed him
For if I For if she For if she hand, soul and If she If she
wed him, wed him wed him body wed him wed him
I shall die! she will die! she will die! heart and soul! she will die! she will die!


DOROTHY.
  When, yestereve, I knelt to pray,
    As thou hast taught me to,
  I seemed to hear the angels say,
    "To thine own heart be true."
  Heaven breathed a message through the sphere!
    Heaven breathes it every day,
  To all who have the ears to hear,
    The wisdom to obey.
  By golden day and silver night
    It rings all nature through;
  For ever, in the angels' sight,
    To thine own heart be true.
  Though storms uprise
And cloud the skies,
    And thorns where roses grew;
  Come sun or snow,
Come weal or woe.
    To thine own heart be true.
CHORUS.
  Though storms uprise
And cloud the skies,
    And thorns where roses grew;
  Come sun or snow,
Come weal or woe.
DOROTHY, DORCAS, LADY VERNON & CHORUS.
    To thine own heart,
To thine own heart be true!

DOROTHY. (kneels).    
  Father, forgive!    
SIR GEORGE.    
  Rise! to thy chamber, thou rebellious maid!
My will is law, and law must be obeyed.
DOROTHY.    
  Father, forgive!    
SIR GEORGE.    
  I ask not words of duty,
I ask for deeds.
Away, away!
   
LADY VERNON.    
  She doth but stay
Farewell to say!
   
DOROTHY. DORCAS.
  Father, forgive!   Sweet mistress, all my heart is thine!
SIR GEORGE.    
  No longer art thou daughter mine!    
RUPERT.    
  We are refused!    
PURITANS.    
  We are! we are!    
CHORUS.    
  Hurray, hurray,
Oh, blessed day!
   
RUPERT & PURITANS.    
  A plague upon our natal star
We are refused! We are, we are, we,
   

ENSEMBLE.

DOROTHY. DORCAS &
LADY VERNON.
RUPERT. SIR GEORGE. CHORUS. PURITANS.
we are, we are,
Sir, I o- we are re- Away! away! Away! away!
-bey! Oh, fateful -fused! My word obey! His word obey! we are, we
Sir, I o- day! Oh, fateful Dismay! dismay! Oh, fateful Away! away! my word Away! away his word are! Oh,
fateful
-bey! My day! Thy day! Thy obey! Thy obey! Thy day! Thy
duty, with duty, with duty, with duty, with duty, with duty, with
unerring
hand
unerring
hand
unerring hand unerring
hand
unerring
hand
unerring
hand
Dictates the Dictates the Dictates the Dictates the Dictates the Dictates the
rightful way! rightful way! rightful way! rightful way! rightful way! rightful way!
I dare not It is for It is for It is for It is for It is for
disobey! concience to
command!
concience to
command!
concience to
command!
concience to
command!
concience to
command!
I dare not, Dare Dare Dare Dare Dare
dare
not
not to
disobey!
not to
disobey!
not to
disobey!
not to
disobey!
not to
disobey!
It is for It is for It is a Thy Thy
I dare conscience to conscience to father's to duty duty
not, command! command! command! with with
Thy duty with Thy duty with Thy duty with unerring unerring
I dare unerring unerring unerring
not hand,
Dictates
hand,
Dictates
hand,
Dictates
hand,
Dictates
hand,
Dictates
I dare, the rightful the rightful the rightful the the
dare not, way, the way, the way, the rightful rightful
disobey! rightful way! rightful way! rightful way! way! way!

END OF ACT I.


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