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ACT II - Scene 1

No. 14: DUET. - Rupert & McCrankie.


RUPERT.
  There's no one by — no prying eye —
McCRANKIE.
  Our solemn secret tae espy -
BOTH.
    So let us plainly say —
RUPERT.
  Could we create the world anew, -
McCRANKIE.
  What we wad vera quickly do, —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  Like Joshua, we would stop the sun —
McCRANKIE.
  The thing is vera simply done —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
McCRANKIE.
  We'd pit an end ta heat an' licht —
An' bring aboot eternal nicht —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  We'd supervise the plants and flowers —
McCRANKIE.
  Prescribe 'em early closin' hours —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  We would forbid the rose to smell —
McCRANKIE.
  We'd re-instate the curfew bell —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  No man, in influenza's throes,
McCRANKIE.
  Suld be allo'ed ta blaw his nose —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  No cock should crow, no bird should sing, —
McCRANKIE.
  Naebody suld dae onything —
RUPERT.
  Without our license, sealed and signed: —
McCRANKIE.
  For we wad dominate monkind —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!

RUPERT.
  We were not, through some freak of earth,
Consulted at the planet's birth —
BOTH.
    Though we'd a lot to say!
McCRANKIE.
  Had we been on creation's scene,
A great improvement there'd ha' been —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way!
RUPERT.
  But somehow we were clean forgot,
McCRANKIE.
  That's why we'll make things piping hot —
BOTH.
    And ye the piper pay.
McCRANKIE.
  We'll tax ye oop an' tax ye doon,
RUPERT.
  We'll tax the country, tax the toon, —
BOTH.
    If we but had our way.
RUPERT.
  We'll tax ye hip, an' tax ye thigh, —
McCRANKIE.
  An' sen' the rate-book oop lift-high, —
BOTH.
    And cry, hurray, hurray!
RUPERT.
  An' what becomes o' science, art,
McCRANKIE.
  The law, the temple, an' the mart,
BOTH.
    We naether ken nor care!
RUPERT.
  We only know, as sure as shot —
McCRANKIE.
  Wha pays his scot an' bears his lot —
BOTH.
    A lot will have to bear.
RUPERT.
  We only know, our lack of sense
McCRANKIE.
    Is inconceivably immense!
RUPERT.
  And now, we hope, ye plainly see
McCRANKIE.
  That ye are bigger fools than we —
BOTH.
    If we but have our way!


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