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No. 11: FINALE, ACT I
"Although your Royal summons to appear"

Midi Symbol MIDI File [128KB, 17' 00"]

Enter every one, except the Flowers of Progress.

Chorus.
Although your Royal summons to appear
From courtesy was singularly free,
Obedient to that summons we are here —
What would your Majesty?

King Paramount.
My worthy people, my beloved daughter
Most thoughtfully has brought with her from England
The types of all the causes that have made
That great and glorious country what it is.

Chorus.
Oh, joy unbounded!

Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. (aside)
Why, what does this mean?
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
Kenneth Sandford as King Paramount in the 1975 revival
Click on picture to enlarge

Zara.
Attend to me, Utopian populace,
Ye South Pacific island viviparians;
All, in the abstract, types of courtly grace,
Yet, when compared with Britain's glorious race,
But little better than half clothed Barbarians!

Chorus.
Yes! Contrasted when
With Englishmen,
Are little better than half-clothed barbarians!

Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. (aside)
What does she mean?
What does she mean?

Enter all the Flowers of Progress, led by Fitzbattleaxe.

Zara. (Presenting Captain Fitzbattleaxe)
When Britain sounds the trump of war
(And Europe trembles),
The army of the conqueror
In serried ranks assembles;
'Tis then this warrior's eyes and sabre gleam
For our protection--
He represents a military scheme
In all its proud perfection!

Chorus.
Yes, yes, yes,
He represents a military scheme
In all its proud perfection.
Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

Enes Blackmore as Sir Bailey Barre in the original production
Click on picture to enlarge


Zara. (Presenting Sir Bailey Barre, Q.C., M.P.)
A complicated gentleman allow to present,
Of all the arts and faculties the terse embodiment,
He's a great arithmetician who can demonstrate with ease
That two and two are three or five or anything you please;
An eminent Logician who can make it clear to you
That black is white — when looked at from the proper point of view;
A marvelous Philologist who'll undertake to show
That "yes" is but another and a neater form of "no."

Sir Bailey Barre.
Yes, yes, yes,
"Yes" is but another and a neater form of "no."
All preconceived ideas on any subject I can scout,
And demonstrate beyond all possibility of doubt,
That whether you're an honest man or whether you're a thief
Depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief.
Chorus.
Yes, yes, yes,
That whether you're an honest man or whether you're a thief
Depends on whose solicitor has given him his brief
Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

Zara.(Presenting Lord Dramaleigh and County Councillor)
What these may be, Utopians all,
Perhaps you'll hardly guess —
They're types of England's physical
And moral cleanliness.
This is a Lord High Chamberlain,
Of purity the gauge —
He'll cleanse our court from moral stain
And purify our Stage.

Lord Dramaleigh.
Yes, yes, yes,
Court reputations I revise,
And presentations scrutinize,
New plays I read with jealous eyes,
And purify the Stage.

Chorus.
Court reputations he'll revise,
And presentations scrutinize,
New plays he reads with jealous eyes,
And purifies the Stage.
Scott Russell as Lord Dramaleigh, a British Lord Chamberlain in the original production
Lord Dramaleigh

Zara.
This County Councillor acclaim,
Great Britain's latest toy —
On anything you like to name
His talents he'll employ —
All streets and squares he'll purify
Within your city walls,
And keep, meanwhile, a modest eye
On wicked music halls.

Mr. Blushington.
Yes, yes, yes,
In towns I make improvements great,
Which go to swell the County Rate —
I dwelling-houses sanitate,
And purify the Halls!

Chorus.
In towns he makes improvements great,
Which go to swell the County Rate —
He'll dwelling-houses sanitate,
And purify the Halls!
Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!
Herbert Ralland as Mr. Blushington in the Original Production, 1893
Click on picture to enlarge

Zara. (Presenting Mr. Goldbury)
A Company Promoter this with special education,
Which teaches what Contango means and also Backwardation —
To speculators he supplies a grand financial leaven,
Time was when two were company — but now it must be seven.

Mr. Goldbury.
Yes, yes, yes,
Time was when two were company — but now it must be seven.
Stupendous loans to foreign thrones
I've largely advocated;
In ginger-pops and peppermint-drops
I've freely speculated;
Then mines of gold, of wealth untold,
Successfully I've floated
And sudden falls in apple-stalls
Occasionally quoted.
And soon or late I always call
For Stock Exchange quotation —
No scheme's too great and none too small
For Companification!

Chorus.
Yes, yes, yes,
No scheme's too great and none too small
For Companification!

Zara. (Presenting Capt. Sir Edward Corcoran, R.N.)
And lastly I present
Great Britain's proudest boast,
Who from the blows
Of foreign foes
Protects her sea-girt coast —
And if you ask him in respectful tone,
He'll show you how you may protect your own!

Laurence Gridley as Captain Corcoran in the Original Production, 1893
Click on picture to enlarge
Captain Corcoran.
I'm Captain Corcoran, K.C.B.,
I'll teach you how we rule the sea,
And terrify the simple Gauls;
And how the Saxon and the Celt
Their Europe-shaking blows have dealt
With Maxim gun and Nordenfelt
(Or will when the occasion calls).
If sailor-like you'd play your cards,
Unbend your sails and lower your yards,
Unstep your masts — you'll never want 'em more.
Though we're no longer hearts of oak,
Yet we can steer and we can stoke,
And thanks to coal, and thanks to coke,
We never run a ship ashore!
Chorus.
What never?
Captain Corcoran.
No, never!
Chorus.
What never?
Captain Corcoran.
Hardly ever!
Chorus.
Hardly ever run a ship ashore!
Then give three cheers, and three cheers more,
For the tar who never runs his ship ashore;
Then give three cheers, and three cheers more,
For he never runs his ship ashore!

Chorus.
All hail, all hail, ye types of England's power —
Ye heaven-enlightened band!
We bless the day and bless the hour
That brought you to our land.

King Paramount. Zara, Lady Sophy &
Captain Fitzbattleaxe.
Chorus.
Ye wanderers from a mighty State,    
  Ye wanderers from a mighty State,  
Oh, teach us how to legislate —    
  Oh, teach us how to legislate —  
Your lightest word will carry weight, Your lightest word will carry weight,  
In our attentive ears. In our attentive ears.  
    Oh, teach the natives of this land
Oh, teach the natives of this land Oh, teach the natives of this land  
    (Who are not quick to understand)
(Who are not quick to understand) (Who are not quick to understand)  
Ye wanderers from a mighty State, Ye wanderers from a mighty State, Ye wanderers from a mighty State,
Oh, teach us how to legislate — Oh, teach us how to legislate —  
Your lightest word will carry weight, Your lightest word will carry weight, Your lightest word will carry weight,
In our attentive ears. In our attentive ears.  

Captain Fitzbattleaxe. Increase your army!
Lord Dramaleigh. Purify your court!
Captain Corcoran. Get up your steam and cut your canvas short!
Sir Bailey Barre. To speak on both sides teach your sluggish brains!
Mr. Blushington. Widen your thoroughfares, and flush your drains!
Mr. Goldbury. Utopia's much too big for one small head--
I'll float it as a Company Limited!

King.
A Company Limited? What may that be?
The term, I rather think, is new to me.

Chorus.
A Company Limited? What may that be?

Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. (aside)
What does he mean? What does he mean?
Give us a kind of clue!
What does he mean? What does he mean?
What is he going to do?

Mr. Goldbury.
Some seven men form an Association
(If possible, all Peers and Baronets),
The start off with a public declaration
To what extent they mean to pay their debts.
That's called their Capital; if they are wary
They will not quote it at a sum immense.
The figure's immaterial — it may vary
From eighteen million down to eighteen pence.
I should put it rather low;
The good sense of doing so
Will be evident at once to any debtor.
When it's left to you to say
What amount you mean to pay,
Why, the lower you can put it at, the better.
Chorus.
When it's left to you to say
What amount you mean to pay,
Why, the lower you can put it at, the better.

Mr. Goldbury.
They then proceed to trade with all who'll trust 'em
Quite irrespective of their capital
(It's shady, but it's sanctified by custom);
Bank, Railway, Loan, or Panama Canal.
You can't embark on trading too tremendous —
It's strictly fair, and based on common sense —
If you succeed, your profits are stupendous —
And if you fail, pop goes your eighteen pence.
Make the money-spinner spin!
For you only stand to win,
And you'll never with dishonesty be twitted.
For nobody can know,
To a million or so,
To what extent your capital's committed!
Chorus.
For nobody can know,
To a million or so,
To what extent your capital's committed!

Mr. Goldbury.
If you come to grief, and creditors are craving
(For nothing that is planned by mortal head
Is certain in this Vale of Sorrow--saving
That one's Liability is Limited),
Do you suppose that signifies perdition?
If so, you're but a monetary dunce —
You merely file a Winding-Up Petition,
And start another Company at once!
Though a Rothschild you may be
In your own capacity,
As a Company you've come to utter sorrow —
But the Liquidators say,
"Never mind — you needn't pay,"
So you start another company to-morrow!
Chorus.
But the Liquidators say,
"Never mind — you needn't pay,"
So you start another company to-morrow!

King Paramount.
Well, at first sight it strikes us as dishonest,
But if its's good enough for virtuous England —
The first commercial country in the world —
It's good enough for us.

Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. (aside to the King)
You'd best take care —
Please recollect we have not been consulted.

King Paramount. (not heeding them)
And do I understand you that Great Britain
Upon this Joint Stock principle is governed?

Mr. Goldbury.
We haven't come to that, exactly — but
We're tending rapidly in that direction.
The date's not distant.

King Paramount. (enthusiastically)
We will be before you!
We'll go down in posterity renowned
As the First Sovereign in Christendom
Who registered his Crown and Country under
The Joint Stock Company's Act of Sixty-Two.

All.
Ulahlica!

King Paramount.
Henceforward, of a verity,
With Fame ourselves we link —
We'll go down to Posterity
Of sovereigns all the pink!

Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. (aside to King)
If you've the mad temerity
Our wishes thus to blink,
You'll go down to Posterity,
Much earlier than you think!

Tarara. (correcting them)
He'll go up to Posterity,
If I inflict the blow!

Scaphio & Phantis. (angrily)
He'll go down to Posterity —
We think we ought to know!

Tarara. (explaining)
He'll go up to Posterity,
Blown up with dynamite!

Scaphio & Phantis. (apologetically)
He'll go up to Posterity,
Of course he will, you're right!
You're right! Up, up, up, up!

Princess Zara. Captain Fitzbattleaxe. Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara.
Who love with all sincerity;
Their lives may safely link.
   
  And as for our posterity
If he has the temerity
Our wishes thus to blink
  We don't care what they think! He'll go up to Posterity
Much earlier than they think!
Who love, Who love, He'll go up to Posterity
Much earlier than they think!
Who love, Who love, He'll go up to Posterity
Much earlier than they think!
love, love, He'll go up, he'll go up, he'll go up,
He'll go up, he'll go up, he'll go up,

Princesses Zara, Nekaya & Kalyba & Captain Fitzbattleaxe Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara. Others.
Who love with all sincerity; If he has the temerity
Our wishes thus to blink
He'll go up to Posterity
Henceforward of a verity,
With fame ourselves we link —
And go down to Posterity,
Their lives may safely link. Much earlier than they think! Of sovereigns all the pink!
And as for our posterity If he has the temerity
Our wishes thus to blink
He'll go up to Posterity
Henceforward of a verity,
With fame ourselves we link —
And go down to Posterity,
We don't care what they think! Much earlier than they think! Of sovereigns all the pink!
  He'll go up to Posterity
Much earlier than they think!
Much earlier than they think!
Much earlier than they think!
He'll go down to Posterity
Of sovereigns all the pink!
Of sovereigns all the pink!
Of sovereigns all the pink!
Who love, He'll go up to Posterity,
He'll go up to Posterity
Of sovereigns all
who love. Much earlier than they think! the pink!

All.
Let's seal this mercantile pact —
The step we ne'er shall rue —
It gives whatever we lacked —
The statement's strictly true.
All hail, astonishing Fact!
All hail, Invention new —
The Joint Stock Company's Act of Parliament Sixty-Two!
Let's seal this mercantile pact —
The step we ne'er shall rue —
It gives whatever we lacked —
The statement's strictly true.
All hail, astonishing Fact!
All hail, Invention new —
The Joint Stock Company's Act of Parliament Sixty-Two!
The Act of Sixty-Two!
The Act of Sixty-Two!

END OF ACT I

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