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No. 20: TRIO (Scaphio, Phantis & Tarara)
"With wily brain upon the spot"

Midi Symbol MIDI File [32KB, 2' 43"]


Tarara, Scaphio & Phantis.
With wily brain upon the spot
A private plot we'll plan,
The most ingenious private plot
Since private plots began.
That's understood. So far we've got
And, striking while the iron's hot,
We'll now determine like a shot
The details of this private plot.

Walter Passmore as Tarara, 1893
Click on picture to enlarge

Scaphio. Phantis. Tarara.
I think we ought — (whispers)    
  Such bosh I never heard! Such bosh I never heard!
  Ah! happy thought! — (whispers)  
How utterly dashed absurd!   How utterly dashed absurd!
    I'll tell you how — (whispers)
Why, what put that in your head? Why, what put that in your head?  
I've got it now — (whispers)    
  Oh, take him away to bed! Oh, take him away to bed!
  Oh, put him to bed!  
    Oh, put him to bed!
What, put me to bed?    
  Yes, certainly put him to bed! Yes, certainly put him to bed!
But, bless me, don't you see —    
  Do listen to me, I pray —  
    It certainly seems to me —
Bah — this is the only way!    
  It's rubbish absurd you growl!  
    You talk ridiculous stuff!
You're a drivelling barndoor owl!    
  You're a vapid and vain old muff!
You're a vain old muff!
 
You're a drivelling barndoor owl!   You're talking ridiculous stuff!
A drivelling, drivelling You're a vapid and vain old muff! Ridiculous,
Drivelling barndoor owl! A vain old muff! Ridiculous, ridiculous stuff!

All Three. (coming down to audience)
So far we haven't quite solved the plot —
They're not a very ingenious lot —
But don't be unhappy,
It's still on the tapis,
We'll presently hit on a capital plot!

Scaphio. Phantis. Tarara.
Suppose we all — (whispers)    
  Now there I think you're right.
Then we might all — (whispers)
 
    That's true, we certainly might.
I'll tell you what — (whispers)
We will if we possibly can.
Then on the spot — (whispers)
   
  Bravo! A capital plan! Bravo! A capital plan!
That's exceedingly neat and new!    
  Exceedingly new and neat.  
    I fancy that that will do.
It's certainly very complete.    
  Well done you sly old sap!  
    Bravo, you cunning old mole!
You very ingenious chap!    
  You intellectual, intellectual soul!  
You very ingenious chap!   Bravo, you cunning old mole!
You very ingenious, ingenious You intellectual You cunning, you cunning,
Ingenious chap! -Lectual, -lectual chap! You cunning old chap!

All Three. (coming down to audience)
At last a capital plan we've got
We won't say how and we won't say what:
It's safe in my noddle —
Now off we will toddle,
And slyly develop this capital plot!
At last a capital plan we've got
We won't say how and we won't say what:
It's safe in my noddle —
Now off we will toddle,
And slyly develop this capital plot!

Business. Exeunt Scaphio and Phantis in one direction, and Tarara in the other.

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