Utopia Limited

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Dialogue following No. 20


Enter Lord Dramaleigh and Mr. Goldbury.

Lord Dramaleigh: Well, what do you think of our first South Pacific Drawing-Room? Allowing for a slight difficulty with the trains, and a little want of familiarity with the use of the rouge-pot, it was, on the whole, a meritorious affair?

Mr. Goldbury: My dear Dramaleigh, it redounds infinitely to your credit.

Lord Dramaleigh: One or two judicious innovations, I think?

Mr. Goldbury: Admirable. The cup of tea and the plate of mixed biscuits were a cheap and effective inspiration.

Lord Dramaleigh: Yes — my idea entirely. Never been done before.

Mr. Goldbury: Pretty little maids, the King's youngest daughters, but timid.

Lord Dramaleigh: That'll wear off. Young.

Mr. Goldbury: That'll wear off. Ha! here they come, by George! And without the Dragon! What can they have done with her?

Enter Nekaya and Kalyba timidly.

Nekaya: Oh, if you please, Lady Sophy has sent us in here, because Zara and Captain Fitzbattleaxe are going on, in the garden, in a manner which no well-conducted young ladies ought to witness.

Lord Dramaleigh: Indeed, we are very much obliged to her Ladyship.

Kalyba: Are you? I wonder why.

Nekaya: Don't tell us if it's rude.

Lord Dramaleigh: Rude? Not at all. We are obliged to Lady Sophy because she has afforded us the pleasure of seeing you.

Nekaya: I don't think you ought to talk to us like that.

Kalyba: It's calculated to turn our heads.

Nekaya: Attractive girls cannot be too particular.

Kalyba: Oh pray, pray do not take advantage of our unprotected innocence.

Mr. Goldbury: Pray be reassured — you are in no danger whatever.

Lord Dramaleigh: But may I ask — is this extreme delicacy — this shrinking sensitiveness — a general characteristic of Utopian young ladies?

Nekaya: Oh no; we are crack specimens.

Kalyba: We are the pick of the basket. Would you mind not coming quite so near? Thank you.

Nekaya: And please don't look at us like that; it unsettles us.

Kalyba: And we don't like it. At least, we do like it; but it's wrong.

Nekaya: We have enjoyed the inestimable privilege of being educated by a most refined and easily shocked English lady, on the very strictest English principles.

Mr. Goldbury: But, my dear young ladies —

Kalyba: Oh, don't! You mustn't. It's too affectionate.

Nekaya: It really does unsettle us.

Mr. Goldbury: Are you really under the impression that English girls are so ridiculously demure? Why, an English girl of the highest type is the best, the most beautiful, the bravest, and the brightest creature that Heaven has conferred upon this world of ours. She is frank, open-hearted, and fearless, and never shows in so favourable a light as when she gives her own blameless impulses full play!

Nekaya & Kalyba: Oh, you shocking story!

Mr. Goldbury: Not at all. I'm speaking the strict truth. I'll tell you all about her.

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