Copyright © 2005 by Paul Howarth
All Rights Reserved

RUDOLPH Come hither, all you people,
When you hear the fearful news,
LUDWIG All the pretty women weep'll,
Men will shiver in their shoes.

BOTH And they'll all cry "Lord, defend us!"
When they learn the fact tremendous
RUD. That to give this man his gruel
LUD. In a Statutory Duel.
RUD. This plebeian man of shoddy,
LUD. This contemptible nobody,
BOTH. Your Grand Duke does not refuse!

CHORUS With faltering feet,
And our muscles in a quiver,
Our fate we meet
With our feelings all unstrung!
If our plot complete
He has managed to diskiver,
There is no retreat,
There is no retreat,
We shall certainly be hung,
tainly be hung!

RUD. Now you begin and pitch it strong,
Walk into me abusively.
LUD. I've several epithets that I've reserved for you exclusively.
A choice selection I have here when you are ready to begin.

RUD. No, you begin!
LUD. No, you begin!
RUD. No, you begin!
LUD. No, you begin!
CH. Has it happed as we expected?
Is our little plot detected?

RUD. Big bombs, small bombs, great guns and little ones!
Put him in a pillory!
Rack him with artillery!

LUD. Long swords, short swords, tough swords and brittle ones!
Fright him into fits!
Blow him into bits!
RUD. You muff, sir!
LUD. You lout, sir!
RUD. Enough, sir!
LUD. Get out, sir!
RUD. A hit, sir?
LUD. Take that, sir!

RUD. It's tit, sir,
LUD. For tat, sir!
BOTH It's tit, sir,
For tat, sir!
It's tit, sir,
For tat, sir!
It's
CH. When two doughty heroes thunder,
All the world is lost in wonder;
When such men their temper lose,
Awful are the words they use!

LUD. Tall snobs, small snobs, rich snobs and needy ones!
RUD. Whom are you alluding to?
LUD. Where are you intruding to?
RUD. Fat snobs, thin snobs, swell snobs and seedy ones!
LUD. I rather think you err.
To whom do you refer?
RUD. To you, sir!
LUD. To me, sir?
RUD. I do, sir!
LUD. We'll see, sir!
RUD. I jeer, sir!
Grimace, sir!
LUD. Look here, sir!
A face, sir!
BOTH It's tit, sir,
For tat, sir!
It's tit, sir,
For tat, sir!
It's
CH. When two heroes, once pacific,
Quarrel, the effect's terrific!
When two heroes, once pacific,
Quarrel, the effect's terrific!
The effect's terrific!
The effect's terrific!

RUD. & LUD. He has insulted me, and, in a breath,
This day we fight a duel to the death!

NOTARY You mean, of course, by duel (verbum sat.),
A Statutory Duel.
ALL Why, what's that?
NOT. According to established legal uses,
A card apiece each bold disputant chooses:
Dead as a doornail is the dog who loses;
The winner steps into the dead man's shoeses!
ALL Dead as a doornail is the dog who loses;
The winner steps into the dead man's shoeses!
LUD. Agreed!
RUD. Agreed!
ALL Agreed!
RUD. Come, come: the pack!
LUD. Behold it here!
RUD. I'm on the rack!
LUD. I quake with fear!
First draw to you!
RUD. If that's the case,
Behold the King!
LUD. Behold the Ace!

CH. Hurrah, hurrah! Our Ludwig's won
And wicked Rudolph's course is run;
So Ludwig will as Grand Duke reign
Till Rudolph comes to life again,
Till Rudolph comes to life again.
RUD. Which will occur tomorrow!
Yes, yes, I'll come to life tomorrow!

GRETCHEN My Lord Grand Duke, farewell!
A pleasant journey, very,
To your convenient cell
In yonder cemetery!

LISA Though malcontents abuse you,
We're much distressed to lose you!
You were, when you were living,
So liberal, so forgiving!

BERTHA So merciful, so gentle!
So highly ornamental!
OLGA And now that you've departed,
You leave us brokenhearted!

GIRLS Yes, truly, truly, truly, truly,
Truly brokenhearted!

ALL Yes, truly, truly,
Truly brokenhearted!
We're truly, brokenhearted!
Truly, truly brokenheart...
We're truly, brokenheart...
Ha! ha! ha!
We're truly, brokenhearted!

RUD. Rapscallions, in penitential fires,
You'll rue the ribaldry that from you falls!
Tomorrow afternoon the law expires.
And then: look out for squalls!

CH. Give thanks, give thanks to wayward fate;
By mystic fortune's sway,
Our Ludwig guides the helm of State
For one delightful day!
We hail you, sir!
We greet you, sir!
Regale you, sir!
We treat you, sir!
Our ruler be
By fate's decree
For one delightful day!
Hurrah! hurrah!
Hurrah! hurrah!

NOT. You've done it neatly! Pity that your powers
Are limited to fourandtwenty hours!

LUD. No matter, though the time will quickly run,
In hours twentyfour much may be done!

Oh, a Monarch who boasts intellectual graces
Can do, if he likes, a good deal in a day:
Can put all his friends in conspicuous places,
With plenty to eat and with nothing to pay!
You'll tell me, no doubt, with unpleasant grimaces,
Tomorrow, deprived of your ribbons and laces,
You'll get your dismissal, with very long faces,
But wait! on that topic I've something to say!
I've something to say, I've something to say!

CH. He's something, he's something,
He's something, he's something to say!

LUD. Oh, our rule shall be merry, I'm not an ascetic,
And while the sun shines we will get up our hay;
By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic,
A very great deal may be done in a day!

CH. Oh, his rule will be merry, he's not an ascetic,
And while the sun shines we will get up our hay;
By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic,
A very great deal may be done in a day!

For instance, this measure (his ancestor drew it),
This law against duels tomorrow will die,
The Duke will revive, and you'll certainly rue it,
He'll give you "what for" and he'll let you know why!
But in twentyfour hours there's time to renew it
With a century's life I've the right to imbue it.
It's easy to do, and, by Jingo, I'll do it!
It's done! Till I perish your Monarch am I!
Your Monarch am I!
Your Monarch am I!

CH. Our Monarch, our Monarch,
Our Monarch, our Monarch is he!

Though I do not pretend to be very prophetic,
I fancy I know what you're going to say:
By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic,
A very great deal may be done in a day!

CH. Oh, it's simply uncanny, his power prophetic;
It's perfectly right, we were going to say,
By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic,
A very great deal may be done in a day!

LUD. This very afternoon, at two (about),
The Court appointments will be given out.
To each and all (for that was the condition)
According to professional position!
ALL Hurrah! Hurrah!
JULIA Oh, Heav'n!
ALL What's the matter?
JULIA According to professional position?
LUD. According to professional position!
JULIA Then, horror! horror! horror! horror! horror!
ALL Why, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?

JULIA Ah, pity me, my comrades true,
Who love, as well I know you do,
This gentle child,
To me so fondly dear!

ALL Why, what's the matter?
What's the matter?

JULIA Our sister love so true and deep
From many an eye unused to weep
Hath oft beguiled
The coy reluctant tear!

ALL Why, what's the matter?
What's the matter?

JULIA Each sympathetic heart 'twill bruise
When you have heard the frightful news
(O will it not?)
That I must now impart!

ALL Why, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?

JULIA Her love for him is all in all!
Ah, cursed fate! that it should fall
Unto my lot
To break, to break my darling's heart!

ALL Well, what's the matter?
What's the matter?

LUD. What means our Julia by those fateful looks?
Please do not keep us all on tenterhooks:
Now, what's the matter?

JULIA Ah, cursed fate!
LUD. What's the matter?
CH. What's the matter?
What's the matter?

JULIA Our duty, if we're wise,
We never shun.
This Spartan rule applies
To every one.
In theatres, as in life,
Each has her line.
This part, the Grand Duke's wife

ALL Well, what's the matter?

JULIA (Oh agony!) is mine!

ALL Oh, that's the matter, that's the matter, is it?

JULIA A maxim new I do not start:
The canons of dramatic art
Decree that this repulsive part
(The Grand Duke's wife)
Is mine!

LISA Can that be so?

LUD. I do not know.
But time will show
If this be so.

ALL Time will show if this be so.

LISA Oh, listen to me, dear,
I love him only, darling!
Remember, oh, my pet,
On him my heart is set!
This kindness do me, dear?
Nor leave me lonely, darling!
Be merciful, my pet,
On him my love is set!

JULIA Now don't be foolish, dear,
You couldn't play it, darling!
It's "leading business", pet
And you're but a soubrette.
So don't be mulish, dear?
Although I say it, darling,
It's not your line, my pet.
I play that part, you bet!
I play it,
I play that part, you bet, you bet, you bet!

NOT. The lady's right.
The lady's right.
Though Julia's engagement
Was for the stage meant,
It certainly frees Ludwig from his
Connubial promise.
Though marriage contracts, or whate'er you call'em,
Are very solemn,
Dramatic contracts (which you all adore so)
Are even more so!

ALL That's very true!
Though marriage contracts are very solemn,
Dramatic contracts are even more so.

LISA The die is cast,
My hope has perished!
Farewell, O Past,
Too bright to last,
Yet fondly cherished!
My hope has fled,
My life is dead,
Its doom, its doom is spoken;
My day is night,
My wrong is right,
Is right in all men's sight,
In all men's sight.
Ah me! Ah me!
My heart is broken,
Is broken.
My heart is broken!

LUD. Poor child, where will she go? What will she do?
JULIA. That isn't in your part, you know.
LUD. Quite true!
Depressing topics we'll not touch upon:
Let us begin as we are going on!

For this will be a jolly Court, for little and for big!

ALL Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!
LUD. From morn to night our lives shall be as merry as a grig!

ALL Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!

LUD. All state and ceremony we'll eternally abolish,
We don't mean to insist upon unnecessary polish,
And, on the whole, I rather think you'll find our rule tollolish!

ALL Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!

LUD. The jolly, jolly jinks,
ALL The jolly, jolly jinks,
LUD. The jolly, jolly jinks,
ALL The jolly, jolly jinks,
The jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly,
Jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly jinks!
For this will be a jolly Court, for little and for big!
Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!
From morn to night our lives shall be as merry as a grig!
Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!

JULIA But stay, your newmade Court
Without a courtly coat is.
We shall require
Some Court attire,
And at a moment's notice.
In clothes of common sort
Your courtiers must not grovel;
Your new noblesse
Must have a dress
Original and novel!

ALL Now let us guess what kind of dress
Would be both neat and novel.

LUD. Old Athens we'll exhume!
The necessary dresses,
Correct and true
(And all brandnew)
The company possesses.
Henceforth our Court costume
Shall live in song and story,
For we'll upraise
The dead old days
Of Athens in her glory!

ALL Yes, let's upraise
The dead old days
Of Athens in her glory!
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
Agreed! Agreed! Agreed!

LUD. For this will be a jolly Court, for little and for big!

ALL Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!
LUD. From morn to night our lives shall be as merry as a grig!

ALL Sing hey, the jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!
Sing hey, the jolly, jolly, jolly jinks,
Sing hey, sing hey, sing hey, sing hey,
Sing hey, the jinks,
The jolly jinks of Pfennig Halbpfennig!
The jolly, jolly jinks,
The jolly, jolly jinks,
The jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly,
Jolly, jolly jinks!

By Arthur Sullivan
Generated by NoteWorthy Composer

Grand Duke No. 12
Lyrics
Notary
Rudolph
Ludwig
Sopranos
Altos
Tenors
Basses
Right Hand
Left Hand
Tempo