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The Policeman's Story
Time, 1 - May 1879
| Some time ago I met a Duke as tipsy as could be; And when I urged him home to go, he rounded onto me; He hit me in the eye, which caused considerable pain; He knocked me down, and picked me up, and knocked me down again. |
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| So I took him into custody, and knew no fear; For there's but one law for the peasant and the peer. |
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| The magistrate he says, "To such assaults I do assign A month's imprisonment, without the option of a fine. A man of education too! What is his name, I pray?" And I says, "So please your worship, it's the noble DUKE OF A." |
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| And I didn't care a rap; for it seems quite clear That there's but one law for the peasant and the peer. |
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| The worthy beak he hummed and hawed, and looked extremely blank, And said, "I didn't know you were a gentleman of rank. To see you standing in the dock gives me a moral wrench; Pray take your scat with me upon the magisterial bench. |
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| You'll see more plainly, if you'll step up here, That there's but one law for the peasant and the peer." |
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| My evidence I gave in my uneducated way. The beak remarks, "Your grace has heard this poor policeman's say; I needn't say how kind 'twould be, if you should think it right, On his Boeotian words to throw a little ducal light. |
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| You'll pardon me, I'm sure; when I sit up here, I've but one law for the peasant and the peer." |
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| The Duke he up and says, says he, "I haven't any doubt I most unmercifully banged that officer about. I had been dining very free on port and sherry-wine, And richly I deserve to suffer in a heavy fine; |
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| And I beg to say I rejoice to hear That there's but one law for the peasant and the peer." |
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| The beak replies, "I'll measure even justice to your grace. I hold the magistrate who would deal hardly with a case Because the prisoner's a Duke would not be worth his salt. That you're the DUKE OF A. is your misfortune-not your fault. |
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| And I don't see why I should be severe Because you're not a peasant, but a first-class peer |
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| "Your grace's noble conduct in consenting to a fine Reflects the brightest lustre on your proud ancestral line. The two assaults at less than half-a-crown I cannot fix; The summons is two shillings — and the total's one and six. |
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| And I trust your grace won't think it dear — There's but one law for the peasant and the peer." |
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| And the Duke did wed the daughter of that beak — a girl of charms. And, on the strength of it, the beak did buy a coat-of-arms; And as he had to choose a crest, the whole affair to clench, It was a Flunkey Rampant on a Magisterial Bench, |
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| With the pregnant motto, on a scroll, "Up here There is but one law for the peasant and the peer." |
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