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No. 28 - Extra Song - Barry and Chorus - "When I was a Girl."

MIDI File

Barry: You women nowadays
Are a mass of affectation,
With all your pretty ways,
And your icy reservation;
When men propose a kiss,
And stroke your wavy hair, you
Reply "Sir, what is this?
Now Alfred Jones, how dare you?"
When I was a girl, a sweet, tender girl,
If some young man came round one week
And dared to kiss my lily cheek,
I never look'd shy or started to cry,
No, I smacked his face, when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a sweet, tender girl,
If some young man came round one week
And dared to kiss my lily cheek,
I never look'd shy or started to cry,
Barry: I used dumb-bells, when I was a girl!
   
Barry: It makes me simply tired
To watch your modern movements;
We never then required
All your up-to-date improvements;
We never had "boudoirs,"
Or mansions with a porter,
Linoleum on floors,
Or bathrooms with hot water.
When I was a girl, an old-fashion'd girl,
Electric light we never knew,
A penny dip would have to do;
Though candles were bright
We made that all right,
We blew them out, when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a pure piquante girl,
Electric light we never knew,
A penny dip would have to do;
Though candles were bright
We made that all right,
Barry: I lov'd the dark, when I was a girl!
   
Barry: When I was quite a tot,
We were held in stern submission,
But now you girls have got
To such a swell position,
Some women now today
Are doctors, they assure me,
In spite of that I say,
"Give me a man to cure me."
When I was a girl, a languishing girl,
No women doctors came to me,
They only ask your tongue to see,
They don't understand
How to toy with your hand,
I'd such a pulse, when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a languishing girl,
No women doctors came to me,
They only ask your tongue to see,
They don't understand
How to toy with your hand,
Barry: I'd Spanish blood, when I was a girl!
   
Barry: You're mad about new things;
You've things for "pressing clothes things,"
You've napkin things with rings,
And other things and those things;
You've things to make you fat,
And things to make you thinner,
And kind of things "like that,"
To pick up things at dinner!
When I was a girl, a plain, homely girl,
We never made that fearful fuss
When swallowing asparagus,
And if it should bend when biting one end,
We ate the lot, when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a plain, homely girl,
We never made that fearful fuss
When swallowing asparagus,
And if it should bend when biting one end,
Barry: Yes! white and all, when I was a girl!
   
Barry: A motor in full swing
Will cause no end of fusses,
It upsets ev'rything
From nerves to omnibuses.
And then the folk inside,
The passengers and drivers,
They may be dignified,
But they look to me like divers.
When I was a girl, a Burne-Jonesey girl,
Of motor cars we'd never heard,
That dreadful pace we thought absurd;
We'd never complain of a South-Eastern train,
We thought that fast, when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a Burne-Jonesey girl,
Of motor cars we'd never heard,
That dreadful pace we thought absurd;
We'd never complain of a South-Eastern train,
Barry: Oh, we were dogs when I was a girl!
   
Barry: Of course I go about
To all the nicest houses,
But I really can't make out
How they stand those summer blouses;
I call it a disgrace,
I can't think how they do it,
It's just a scrap of lace
With some ribbons showing through it.
When I was a girl, a nice-minded girl,
Across the fields we'd never go
In open-worky stockings, no, no, no!
We'd more commonsense,
We saved that expense,
We went without when I was a girl!
Chorus: When I was a girl, a nice-minded girl,
Across the fields we'd never go
In open-worky stockings, no, no, no!
We'd more commonsense,
We saved that expense,
Barry: We took them off when I was a girl!

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