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No. 12 - Finale Act I


Chorus: Now, Mister Blundell, we wait for your instructions,
We shall be pleased to do whatever you require;
We can assure you there won't be any ructions,
We are simply here to carry out your least desire.
Equal you'll find us
To all the work assign'd us,
Look on us merely
As yours most sincerely,
For that's the ambition to which we aspire!
We can assure you there won't be any ructions,
We are simply here to carry out your least desire.
Lord Bicester: Your words have thrill'd me through and through,
With gratitude I note 'em,
Pray let me introduce to you
My personal Factotum!
Chorus: Factotum! Factotum!
Lord Bicester: In future, my Factotum!
Hodson: (spoken) A little worm like that above us all,
You make us look ridiculously small!
It's monstrous!
(sung) We are men of business!
Men: B-U-S-I-isiness!
He's not fit for duty!
He's a pretty beauty!
We've been slaving day and night,
Twenty years or more,
So if you let him do our business,
What are we all here for?
Lord Bicester: (spoken) How dare you interfere!
Look here!
Floot: Allow me! I'm the Factotum!
I'll attend to this!
What you men are thinking of
I really cannot see,
You will have a really very easy time
If you'll be nice to me.
You're a lot of dirty dogs,
That's all I've got to say —
To the ladies I'm devoting all my time,
And the men can go their own sweet way.
Girls: This is the man for us, no doubt,
Won't it be simply grand?
He will give us a round about,
And a military band,
A greasy pole and a waxwork show,
A dear little man who'll do all he can
To make things go!
Lord Bicester (spoken) Now, will you ladies kindly parade for inspection?
Lord Bicester: Dearest little ladies,
I've a ticklish job to do,
To select some pretty fairy,
Madge or Mabel, Maud or Mary,
For my private Secretary
And the girl I choose is... you.
Delia: Oh, sir, such an honour you bestow, sir,
That I really can't say no, sir,
I'm obliged to you.
Vernon: (spoken) Delia, you surely don't mean it!
I can't stand it!
Delia: I can merely
Thank you from my heart sincerely,
Tho' I'm quite unworthy, really,
Still, my best I'll do.
Chorus: So she's to be the Secretary,
Fancy choosing her!
Plenty there are, more able, far,
We should have thought he would prefer!
Lord Bicester: (spoken) Rosabelle! You here! My word!
Rosabelle: (spoken) Oh, Mr. Blundell, if I sha'n't be in the way,
Allow me to present your fiancée!
Chorus: Mister Blundell's fiancée,
Here's the very deuce to pay.
Mrs. Blacker: (spoken) Vernon, my darling!
Lord Bicester: (spoken) What the dickens do you mean?
My fiancée!
Floot: (spoken) What the dickens do you mean?
My wife!
Hodson: (spoken) His fiancée!
Then the business will be ours!
Chorus: If Mister Blundell is going to marry,
We shall come in for the lot;
We shall come in for a going concern,
We shall divide all the profits we earn!
Oh, we shall be able to play old Harry,
Monarchs of all we survey!
So give three cheers, yes and one cheer more
For Mister Blundell's fiancée,
For Mister Blundell's fiancée!

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